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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in our everyday life. Is ti positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are everywhere in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. We can see them on TV, social media, websites and even when we are walking in the streets. I think that advertising has both positive and negative sides, but in
general
Add a comma
general,
show examples
 I believe it is
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 negative development.
Body paragraph 1
First of all,
advertisements
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 can be useful for
people
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. They help us to know about new
products
Use synonyms
, services and different discounts.
For example
Linking Words
, when a new phone is released,
people
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 can learn about its price and features from
advertisements
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, advertising is very important for companies because it helps them to get more customers and sell their
products
Use synonyms
. Without
advertisements
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, it can be more difficult for small businesses to become popular.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 many disadvantages. Nowadays,
people
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 see too many
advertisements
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 sometimes they can be very annoying.
For example
Linking Words
, when we use social media, we can see
advertisements
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 almost every few minutes.
Also
Linking Words
,
advertisements
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 often make
people
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 buy things which they do not really need. Companies use attractive pictures and special offers to make
people
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 want to buy their
products
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. Because of
this
Linking Words
,
people
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 can spend too much money on unnecessary things.
Body paragraph 3
Another problem is that some
advertisements
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 are not completely honest. They can show a product as much better than it really is.
For example
Linking Words
, a food advertisement can make the product look very delicious, but in
reality
Add a comma
reality,
show examples
 it can be completely different.
This
Linking Words
 can make customers disappointed after buying it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can be useful because they give us information about
products
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 and help businesses.
However
Linking Words
, there are too many
advertisements
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 nowadays
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can make
people
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 spend money on things they do not need.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that the increasing number of
advertisements
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 is mostly a negative development

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task response
Your main view is clear: you think this is mostly a bad change. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why the bad effects are more important than the good effects.
task response
Your examples are clear and on topic. Add one more real or more detailed example, such as how ads can affect young people or people with less money.
task response
Check the question carefully. It asks if this is a positive or negative development, so keep your view clear in each main part of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, main parts, and ending. Keep using one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use more links to show how ideas connect, for example: “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In addition”. Do not use too many links in the same way.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas could be developed more. After each example, add a sentence that clearly says how the example supports your main point.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You include both good and bad sides, with useful examples about phones, social media, and food.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order: good points first, then bad points, then a final view.
coherence and cohesion
The start and ending match well, and the reader can easily follow your main message.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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