IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in our everyday life. Is ti positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, we often encounter many
advertisements
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 these marketing messages have some benefits, recently, their rapid
icrease
Correct your spelling
increase
 has become a cause for concern in our community. So, I think
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development, because they encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to waste, a loss of concentration.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, marketing campaigns often create a sense of artificial need. Especially,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to purchase famous and fashionable things
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they try to adapt to the trends of the time. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when
people
Use synonyms
 see new content in
advertisements
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 reliable persons, they directly believe them.
For instance
Linking Words
, one famous influencer advertise new
Iphone
Capitalize the proper name
iPhone
show examples
 model
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 want to try it,
although
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 former phone still works perfectly
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
. However
show examples
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 they don’t need to buy it.
Linking Words
therefore
Capitalize the word
Therefore
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
is caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 extra
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
.
Body paragraph 2
Another major drawback is
consist of
Correct word choice
that
show examples
advertisements
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 face
to them
Change preposition
apply
show examples
very quickly on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 or computers may distract
people
Use synonyms
 from what they are doing. Particularly,
We
Fix capitalization
we
show examples
 see
advertisements
Use synonyms
 that are suitable to our interests and viewing habits . Even these things
interrrupt
Correct your spelling
interrupt
 concentration temporarily
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 they are forgotten main things
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we don’t turn back to
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 or be late.
For example
Linking Words
,
When
Fix capitalization
when
show examples
 students open youtube for listen
lessons
Change preposition
to lessons
show examples
, they can’t focus on
this
Linking Words
 video because of many attractive
advertisements
Use synonyms
 like
video-games
Correct your spelling
video games
.
and
Capitalize the word
And
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they don’t want to return lessons.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the
risen
Replace the word
rising
 number of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 in our daily lives is mostly a negative development in
order to
Change preposition
terms of
show examples
 waste, consumerism or distraction. All of these drawbacks outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
advertisements
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Explain each main idea more fully. In the first main part, say how buying a new phone can lead to waste, such as more old phones being thrown away or people spending money they need for other things.
task response
Make your view more complete by saying why the good side of ads is less important. For example, ads can help people learn about new things, but too many ads can push people to buy too much and lose focus.
task response
Keep examples clear and fully explained. After the student example, explain the result: the student may not finish the lesson, learn less, or waste study time.
coherence and cohesion
Do not start many sentences with “Because”, “Especially”, “Particularly”, “Even”, or “However”. Join them to the sentence before, so your writing flows more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear topic sentence at the start of each main part. For example: “One problem with ads is that they make people buy things they do not need.”
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more exact. “Therefore” should show a clear result. For example: “As a result, people may buy a new phone even when their old one still works.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main view well, but use clearer words. Instead of “in order to waste, consumerism or distraction”, write: “because they can cause waste, make people buy too much, and distract them.”
task response
You give a clear view from the start: this is a negative change. You also give two main reasons: people buy things they do not need, and ads take their focus away.
task response
Your examples about a new phone and students watching lessons are on topic and help show your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Each main part has one main point.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “First and foremost”, “For instance”, “Another major drawback”, and “In conclusion”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: