IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Your workplace does not have a carpark, and it is causing some problems. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter Describe the problems this is causing Explain what benefits a car park would bring to the company Suggest a solution for the car park problem

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Dear Owen, I hope you are doing great! I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to bring some concerns to your attention about the insufficient
car
Use synonyms
park
Use synonyms
 in Rue Tower. In the building, we have only 30 available
car
Use synonyms
slots
Use synonyms
 to
park
Use synonyms
 our cars. Unfortunately, there are 50 people who often use
this
Linking Words
car
Use synonyms
park
Use synonyms
, so some of us have to
park
Use synonyms
 our cars outside the building.
This
Linking Words
 leads to spending too much time finding an available
car
Use synonyms
 slot in the morning. First of all, new carpark
slots
Use synonyms
 would have a great impact on increasing employees' productivity and efficiency.
This
Linking Words
 is because rather than making considerable effort to find a
park
Use synonyms
 space, employees can save
this
Linking Words
 time, allowing them to prepare their morning meetings. They
also
Linking Words
 feel more comfortable when they find an available space for their cars because it places pressure on the winter days
due to
Linking Words
 extreme cold.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I think that we can use the storage
area
Use synonyms
 for parking purposes
instead
Linking Words
 of placing unnecessary items. Since the storage
area
Use synonyms
 is not fully used, there is sufficient space that fulfils our demands.
However
Linking Words
, it requires dedicated work to change
this
Linking Words
area
Use synonyms
 into carpark
slots
Use synonyms
. Considering these situations, I kindly request that
this
Linking Words
 available
area
Use synonyms
 be changed into
car
Use synonyms
 parking
slots
Use synonyms
. I would really appreciate it if you could permit the construction team to work on
this
Linking Words
area
Use synonyms
. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Andrey

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make the problems more clear and direct. For example, say that staff may arrive late, feel stress, or have to walk far from the building.
task response
Explain more clearly how the company will gain. You could say that staff can start work on time and be more ready for meetings.
task response
Your plan is good, but add one more small detail, such as asking for a check of the storage area or a plan for the work.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first main paragraph moves from time loss to cold weather; these ideas may be easier to read as two short parts.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for the main subject. Choose “parking spaces” or “car park spaces” instead of changing between “car slots”, “park space”, and “carpark slots”.
coherence and cohesion
Some links can be simpler. For example, replace “because it places pressure on the winter days due to extreme cold” with “This is also hard in winter, when the weather is very cold.”
task response
You cover all parts of the task: the parking problem, the good points for the company, and a clear plan to use the storage area.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, main body, request, and close. Words such as “First of all”, “Secondly”, and “However” help the reader follow your ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: