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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the amount of hours that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists used per day to do 3 activities

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The bar chart shows the
amount
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number
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 of
hours
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 that
tourists
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 from four different
nationalites
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nationalities
, namely,
Chinese
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, American,
Turkish
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,
Brazilian
Correct word choice
and Brazilian
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use
Punctuation problem
, use
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 per day to do three distinct holiday leisure activites
such
Linking Words
 as
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 at the beach, reading books and visiting
places
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
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chinese
Capitalize the proper name
Chinese
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tourists
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 recorded the peak of
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
hours
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in
Verb problem
spent
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 reading
book
Check wording
books
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least
hours
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in
Verb problem
were spent
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 visiting
places
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart,
Chinese
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tourists
Use synonyms
 reached the highest number of
hours
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 in reading books for around 8
hours
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, which
recorded
Verb problem
is recorded
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 as half as
much
Correct determiner usage
many
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hours
Use synonyms
 as
Turkish
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tourists
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.
Turkish
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tourists
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 spend 5
hours
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 and 3
hours
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 respectively at the beach and visiting
places
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.
However
Linking Words
,
Chinese
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 people
use
Verb problem
spend
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 only an hour in visting
places
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,
Furthermore
Linking Words
, American
tourists
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 spend 5
hours
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in
Change preposition
apply
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reading books and about 3
hours
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 in visting
places
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, which corresponds to the
Turkish
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tourists
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, Brazilian
tourists
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 use approximately 6
hours
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 at the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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beach,
while
Linking Words
 just a couple of
hours
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visting
Correct your spelling
visiting
places
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, tourists, chinese, turkish, places with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • spent time on
  • hours per day
  • the highest figure
  • the lowest figure
  • a similar amount of time
  • more than
  • less than
  • in contrast
  • while
  • overall
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