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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

: Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Most of the individuals argue that
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
system
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 should give a price for the
student
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,
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apply
show examples
 who
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score
Correct subject-verb agreement
scores
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 first rank in academics
exam
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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other's
Correct your spelling
others
 say that
reward
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 each
student
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
got
Wrong verb form
gets
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 better results than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
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 tests. I personally agree with
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
reward for all the
Correct word order
rewarding all students for
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student
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 with better improvement.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, most of
Use synonyms
education
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
education
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system
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 offer
reward
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 for
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who
score
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top
Change preposition
in the top
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 3 ranks(1, 2, 3). Only 5-6 kids compete for the first three ranks all the time
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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little
Correct article usage
a little
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 bit of chance for
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of
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students
Correct article usage
the students
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.
For example
Linking Words
, any
education
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system
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 offer scholarship or
fees
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fee
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 discounts for only
3
Correct determiner usage
the top 3
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-5
top scoreres
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scorers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of the poeple doesn't have any kind of interest
to
Verb problem
apply
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score
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 in top 10 or to improve studies.
This
Linking Words
 rewarding
system
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 doesn't feel fair for all
eduactors
Correct your spelling
educators
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, rewarding based on improvement in
study's
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studies
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, here each and every one has
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to
better
Verb problem
become a better
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student
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. All
students
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 will have some goal to achevie and for each
exam
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student
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 can aim for
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
score
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 than
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
exam
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 until
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score
Correct determiner usage
their score
show examples
top
Verb problem
is in the top
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 five or three
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score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
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. Very
education
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system
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 offer
this
Linking Words
 kind
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reward
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of reward
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 for
students
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 and very
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 for
students
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, teachers aslo.
This
Linking Words
 process works slowly step by step because
all
Rephrase
not all
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 the
student
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 doesn't
score
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 top three ranks
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 every
student
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 aim little development than previous
exam
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, let's take school with
every
Check wording
an exam every
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 month
Punctuation problem
, a
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a
Check wording
apply
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exam
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 and
each
Correct determiner usage
every
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 12 exams in a year
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 all the aim
better
Verb problem
is better
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reults
Correct your spelling
results
 from
first
Correct article usage
the first
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test
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 to
second
Correct article usage
the second
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test
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, going till
final
Correct article usage
the final
show examples
test
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.
Conclusion
In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree to the second statement because
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 is
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
students
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 to get better in
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
every
test
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 from
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 to
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 scorer.
They
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 is something to prove
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 rest of the classmates or
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 about
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 what
can they acheive
Correct word order
they can achieve
show examples
.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear. Say why rewards for top results can be good too, for example because they praise hard work and very high work.
task response
Explain your own view in more detail. You can say that schools should reward both top results and big improvement, but give more help to students who improve a lot.
task response
Use one clear example in each body part. The example about monthly tests is useful, but explain exactly how a student can improve from one test to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each paragraph. The first body part should only discuss rewards for top results. The second should only discuss rewards for improvement.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences smoother. For example: “As a result, other students may feel that they have little chance to win a reward.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, such as “education system”, “reward”, and “top three”. Use simple other words like “schools”, “prizes”, “best students”, and “higher marks”.
coherence and cohesion
Write a stronger ending. Restate your view and give one short reason, rather than adding new ideas at the end.
task response
You discuss both views and clearly say that you support rewards for improvement.
task response
You use school examples, such as top ranks, fee help, and monthly tests, to explain your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful link words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In addition”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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