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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some societies the number of crime committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In many countries, the rate of serious crime committed by
teenagers
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 has risen sharply in recent years, leading some to argue that young offenders should be punished as
adults
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 regardless of their
age
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. I completely agree with
this
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 view, primarily because it would act as a stronger deterrent and ensure
justice
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 for
victims
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, treating juvenile offenders leniently often fails to discourage them from reoffending. When
teenagers
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 realise that committing a serious crime,
such
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 as armed robbery or assault, will result only in a minor sentence
due to
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 their
age
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, they may not take the consequences of their actions seriously.
For example
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, in several US states where juveniles have been tried as
adults
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 for violent
crimes
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, recidivism rates among that group have reportedly declined, suggesting that harsher punishment can genuinely alter behaviour.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, adult punishment provides a sense of
justice
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 to
victims
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 and their families. If a teenager causes irreversible harm,
such
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 as taking someone’s life, the severity of the crime should determine the punishment rather than the offender’s
age
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. It would be unfair to a victim’s family if the perpetrator received a significantly reduced sentence purely because they were a few years younger than the legal adult
age
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.
Body paragraph 3
Admittedly, some argue that
teenagers
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 lack full emotional and cognitive maturity, and that a caring family environment or educational intervention would be more effective than imprisonment.
While
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 early intervention is undoubtedly valuable for minor offences,
this
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 argument becomes less convincing when applied to serious
crimes
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such
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 as murder or rape, where the harm caused is too severe to justify leniency based on
age
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 alone.
Body paragraph 4
In conclusion, I firmly believe that
teenagers
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 who commit major
crimes
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 should face the same legal consequences as
adults
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, since
this
Linking Words
 approach both deters future offending and delivers fair
justice
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 to
victims
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly believe that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 who commit major
crimes
Use synonyms
 should face the same legal consequences as
adults
Use synonyms
, since
this
Linking Words
 approach both deters future offending and delivers fair
justice
Use synonyms
 to
victims
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Explain more clearly why the same punishment is the best answer in every major case. Your point about serious harm is strong, but you could say how a court should deal with a very young teen or a teen who was pushed by an older person.
task response
Be careful with the US example. “Have reportedly declined” sounds unsure and is not fully explained. Either give a more direct, clear example or explain exactly how the punishment led to less crime.
task response
Your view is very strong, but the other view needs a little more care. You could say that help, school, and family work should happen as well as a serious legal response, not only for small crimes.
coherence and cohesion
Delete the last paragraph because the conclusion is written twice. Repeating it makes the ending less clean.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short link between the first and second main points. For example: “As well as stopping later crime, this rule can also give victims a sense of fairness.” This would make the move smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences have many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences when you explain fairness for victims. This will make the point easier to read.
task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same all the way through. You give two main reasons: stopping later crime and being fair to victims.
task response
You deal with the other side of the argument about young people not being fully mature. This makes your answer more complete.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two main points, the other view, and a close. Each part has a clear job.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “Admittedly”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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