IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that parents should be punished if their children commit crimes because they are responsible for their children's actions To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Many, if not all, people think that
parents
Use synonyms
 have the biggest influence on their children's lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should bear the punishment for the crimes their children commit. In my opinion,
parents
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 should face a penalty for the
actions
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 of the
child
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 to a certain extent. There are a few notable moments over the past decade -
for instance
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, the death of Harambe was one of them. The story went viral on social media, with everyone expressing their feelings over Harambe being put down after a
child
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 fell into his enclosure at the zoo. An innocent animal faced an unexcusable ending
due to
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 no fault of his own. Many people thought
this
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 to be unfair and that the mother should be held accountable for allowing the
child
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 to get so close to the edge. It was one of the unifying stories of the decade where almost everyone wanted justice for Harambe. In
this
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, we face the notion that guardians are responsible for their children and
thus
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 they deserve punishment for the
actions
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 of the
child
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. A more recent example is the ruling which states that
parents
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 of suicide school shooters in the States should be reprimanded for the terrorist activities of their
child
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. Those teenagers who shoot up a school and
then
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 turn the gun on themselves, do not face the penalties of their
actions
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,
thus
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 since justice must be served, the
parents
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 are charged as accessories. Unfortunately,
this
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 is more of a grey area in my opinion. Most school shooters are teenagers and anyone who knows about
child
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-rearing understands the difficulties of raising a teen. They are more exposed to the world and have different influences. In
this
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 case, there may not be a direct link between the
actions
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 of the
child
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 and the upbringing of the parent. in conclusion, I believe everything should be examined as a case-by-case situation. There must be a direct link between the crimes of the
child
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 and the influence of the parent in order for them to be charged.
Then
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, and only
then
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, is there a valid reason for doing so.

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coherence cohesion
You have made a very good effort in organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with a structured introduction and conclusion. Your examples are specific and relevant, which strengthens your points. To improve, try to add a bit more variety in your sentence structures and ensure that each paragraph seamlessly flows into the next. Address potential counterarguments to show a deeper level of analysis.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, providing relevant examples and a well-thought-out opinion. To further enhance your task achievement score, make sure to explicitly state your stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This will enhance clarity for the examiner.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion helps in understanding your viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples that effectively illustrate your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental responsibility
  • Upbringing
  • Influence
  • Accountability
  • Ethically justifiable
  • Legal ramifications
  • Systemic issues
  • Community programs
  • Personal choice
  • Peer influence
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