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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

"Some people believe that playing sports is the best way to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

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Introduction
Many people believe that sporting activity is the most effective way to maintain optimal physical well-being. To a large extent, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because regular exercise helps foster the wellness of the general population.
This
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 essay will explain why physical culture is an important part of a healthy lifestyle and why it is not the sole contributing factor.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, doing sports is a significant factor for human physiology in many aspects.
Moreover
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, regular physical exercise can help individuals reduce stress and protect their cardiovascular system.
For example
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, substantial scientific research proves that regular cardio exercises can reduce the number of heart attacks by nearly 50% and strengthen the cardiovascular system.
In addition
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, playing sports promotes effective weight management.
Thus
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, regular athletic activities are an essential part of the daily routine in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
striving to remain in peak condition.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, not only sports, but
also
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 a healthy diet is crucial for a wholesome lifestyle and
overall
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 vitality.
Furthermore
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, there are a lot of important points about nutrition that may have an influence on one's long-term well-being.
For instance
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, many published scientific studies showed that the quality and quantity of consumed fruits and vegetables play an essential role in people’s diets.
Consequently
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, the variety within a diet is of no less importance.
Hence
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, there are many dietary factors that play a significant role in the matter of staying fit.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the opinion that sport is the main way to remain in prime physical health is widespread.
Nevertheless
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, athletic engagement provides the main way to strengthen the cardiovascular system and control weight.
Nonetheless
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, a balanced diet and a healthy lifestyle are equally significant in the effort to stay wholesome and physically active.

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Task response
State your view in a more direct way. You mostly agree, but you also say diet is equally important. Explain clearly whether sport is the best way, or only one key part of good health.
Task response
Develop the second main idea more. Give a clear link between diet and health, such as how food affects weight, heart health, or energy.
Task response
Use examples with care. The claim about heart attacks being cut by nearly half is very exact, but no source is given. A less exact example would sound more safe and natural.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this shape, but make each first sentence show the main point of the paragraph more simply.
Coherence and cohesion
Some link words do not fit the meaning well. For example, “Moreover” starts a new point but does not add much to the first sentence. Use simple links such as “Also,” “For example,” and “As a result.”
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times. Words such as “important,” “significant,” “essential,” and “crucial” appear often. Use fewer strong words and explain the idea instead.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your view exactly. It says sport is the main way, then says diet is equally important. Give one final, clear answer to the question.
Task response
You answer both sides of the topic: sport can help health, but food also matters.
Task response
Your points about stress, heart health, weight, and diet are all on-topic.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main area: sport in the first and diet in the second.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph breaks and include both an opening and an ending.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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