IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should provide free healthcare for all citizens, while others think individuals should be responsible for their own medical costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In the modern era, the Ministry provides so many benefits to the
citizens
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, but others believe that
people
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 should manage their costs on their own. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss both the points and give my opinion in the
last
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the Ministry introduce many policies for free healthcare to the
people
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 who can not manage their high
charges for the
Check wording
apply
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medical costs. As we all know,
citizens
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 have to pay lakhs of rupees to do their operations, which is not possible for avarage income person to manage.
Therefore
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, goverment proposed the free policies for the
citizens
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 to provide good healthcare.
For example
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, the Indian goverment introduce the
Jeeven
Correct your spelling
Jeevan
 Praman policy , which can help the indian
people
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 manage the higher expenses for medical and provide free health services to the
citizens
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, so many
citizens
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 in the country are against
this
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 change. They believe
if
Correct word choice
that if
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 goverment will provides free services for the medical
,
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services, people
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people
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 will misuse
this
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 procedure.
As a result
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, they will earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money by misusing the
government
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government's
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 advantage.
Therefore
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, the government should not introduce
such
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 rules to the public to avoid
this
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 type of mistake.
For instance
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, all the hospitals in the france has no option for free healthcare, so everybody has to pay for their medical expenses , which can lead them to earn more for their family.
However
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,
this
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 type of the protocols teach peoples to earn more for their families and save for their medical emergencies.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, not having the free medical rules can teach
citizens
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 to save more for their children and protect the national strategy from misuse by others. I totally agree that individuals have to manage their medical cost by their own.

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task response
Explain your own view more fully. You say people should pay for their care, but you should also say what should happen to poor people or people with very serious illness.
task response
Make both views fair. The free-care side is clear, but the pay-your-own-cost side mainly says people may misuse care. Add a stronger reason, such as less cost for the state or more choice for people.
task response
Be careful with examples. The point about France is not clear and may not be true. Use a simple, clear example that you can explain well.
task response
Some ideas do not fully answer the question. Saving for children and earning more are not the main result of paying medical costs. Keep each point close to healthcare.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence more direct. Say that some people think healthcare should be free, while others think people should pay for it.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Start with the reason, explain it, then give an example. This will make your points easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat “Therefore” too often. Use other simple links, such as “This means”, “Also”, “However”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Write a conclusion that sums up both views before giving your final view. For example, free care can help poor people, but people may pay for small or less serious care.
task response
You discuss both sides and clearly state your own view at the end.
task response
You use examples to support your points, such as the cost of operations and a health policy in India.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, first view, second view, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Therefore”, and “For example” to guide the reader.
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