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Band 4.5

Some people think that children should be taught at school to recycle materials and avoid waste. Others believe that children should be taught these habits at home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 some people argue that
children
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 should be taught at
school
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 to recycle materials and avoid
waste
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. Others believe that youngsters should be taught these habits at home.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, a lot of people argue that
children
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 should learn to recycle goods and avoid
waste
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 at
school
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, and there are several beneficial and positive sides
of
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to
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 that. It is a good way to teach
children
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 at
school
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, the reason for
this
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 is
,
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that
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 schools can provide structured environmental education
which
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, which
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 is essential for everyone.
In addition
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, teachers can explain how recycling works and why reducing
waste
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 is important, and it can be useful for youngsters.
For instance
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, government schools should provide
with
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apply
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opportunities to teach
children
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 about recycling.
However
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, it is crucial for them to know these
kind
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kinds
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 of environmental processes, and
children
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 can spend a large part of their day at
school
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, so these lessons may become regular habits.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are several positive sides to
teach
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teaching
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children
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 at home because
,
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apply
show examples
parents
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 are
children
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’s first role models in their
life
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lives
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.
By contrast
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
children
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 naturally copy their
parent’s
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parents’
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 behaviour
and
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, and
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parents
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 should teach them
while
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,
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apply
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 they are young and can learn everything effectively.
However
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,
parents
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 can teach
simply
Replace the word
simple
 daily habits,
such
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 as reusing bags, saving
waters
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water
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, and separating household
waste
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.
For example
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, there are common ways to teach them that they should save things economically,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 a lot of “YouTube” short videos, online games that can teach them what they should do, and
parents
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also
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 should do these
kind
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kinds
show examples
 of activities to
learn
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teach
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 their kids, and I strongly agree with
this
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 point
Conclusion
In conclusion, both are essential and useful for
children
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’s future life
and
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, and
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 both of them have only positive sides.
However
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, I would teach my
children
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 at home and at
school
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also
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.

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task response
Make your own view more direct. Say clearly that children should learn at both home and school, then explain why this is the best way.
task response
Give more full support for each view. For school, explain what children can do, such as use recycling bins in class. For home, explain how daily family actions help children copy good habits.
task response
Use examples that show a real action and result. For example, a child who sorts paper and plastic at home may do the same at school.
task response
Avoid saying that both views have only good sides. You can show a small limit: schools may not see daily home waste, while some parents may not know enough about recycling.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain it, give one example, and link it back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Do not join too many ideas with 'and', 'because', or 'however'. Use shorter sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. 'However' should show a different idea, but in some places it starts an extra point. Try 'Also', 'For example', or 'As a result' when they fit better.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph stronger. Repeat your view in one clear sentence and give the main reason for it, instead of only saying you would teach children in both places.
task response
You discuss both school and home, and you give your own view. Your main idea is clear: both places can help children learn these habits.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The reader can follow the two views easily.
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