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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should be taught at school to recycle materials and avoid waste. Others believe that children should be taught these habits at home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, some people argue that
children
Use synonyms
 should be taught at
school
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 to recycle materials and avoid
waste
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. Others believe that youngsters should be taught these habits at home.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, a lot of people argue that
children
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 should learn to recycle goods and avoid
waste
Use synonyms
 at
school
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, and there are several beneficial and positive sides to that. It is a good way to teach
children
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 at
school
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, the reason for
this
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 is that
,
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apply
show examples
 schools can provide structured environmental education
which
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, which
show examples
 is essential for everyone.
In addition
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, teachers can explain how recycling works and why reducing
waste
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 is important, and it can be useful for youngsters.
For instance
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, government schools should provide opportunities to teach
children
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 about recycling.
However
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, it is crucial for them to know these kinds of environmental processes, and
children
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 can spend a large part of their day at
school
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, so these lessons may become regular habits.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are several positive sides to teaching
children
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 at home because
parents
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 are
children
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’s first role models in their lives.
By contrast
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, most
children
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 naturally copy their
parents
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’ behaviour, and
parents
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 should teach them
while
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 they are young and can learn everything effectively.
However
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,
parents
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 can teach simple daily habits,
such
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 as reusing bags, saving water, and separating household
waste
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.
For example
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, there are common ways to teach them that they should save things economically,
such
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 as a lot of “YouTube” short videos, online games that can teach them what they should do, and
parents
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also
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 should do these kinds of activities to teach their kids
, and
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.
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 I strongly agree with
this
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 point
Conclusion
In conclusion, both are essential and useful for
children
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’s future life, and both of them have only positive sides.
However
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, I would teach my
children
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 at home and at
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
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also
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.

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task response
You discuss both school and home, and you give your own view. Make your view clearer at the end: say that home should lead, while school should help.
task response
Give more full reasons for each side. For school, explain how lessons, bins, and group work can build good habits. For home, explain that children see and copy these habits every day.
task response
Use one clear, real example for each main point. The point about government schools is too general. Show what a school or parent does and how this changes a child’s actions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, school view, home view, and end. Keep this shape, but make each paragraph begin with one short main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and join too many ideas with “and”. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words more carefully. “However” and “By contrast” do not always show a real change of idea in your essay. Use “also”, “for example”, “because”, and “therefore” when they fit the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times, such as “positive sides” and “teach children”. Use simple new words like “benefit”, “habit”, “action”, and “daily life”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by looking at both school and home, then giving your own choice.
task response
Your home paragraph has useful daily examples, such as using bags again, saving water, and putting waste into different groups.
coherence and cohesion
The main paragraphs are easy to find because you use “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”.
coherence and cohesion
You include a start and an end, so the reader can see the main path of your essay.
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