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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is better for older schoolchildren to study a large number of subjects and develop a range of knowledge. Others argue that they should study a smaller number of subjects and focus on details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, it is argued by someone that children have to the high range of subjects in school in order to expand their knowledge,
while
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 others believe that it is better for them to focus on details, even study a smaller number of themes.
This
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 essay will discuss both options and will demonstrate my choice.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
to begin
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 with, one of the main reasons why studying a lot of topics is necessary is that if teenagers learn about different themes, numerous opportunities will be created for them in future and they will be able to enter the best universities without any problems.
For instance
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, when they face challenges throughout their experience, they will never hesitate to solve their life issues, since they have already learned about everything.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
while
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 studying the various topics is more beneficial, I strongly agree with the second right, to be more exact, the first dilemma is just a waste of our time, as students do not have enough time to gather a lot of information about science.
Therefore
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, they have no choice but to focus on the vital details and study as hard as they can.
As a result
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, they will become professionals in their professions.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 most people think that it is important to focus on every topic to achieve goals, I personally agree with
opponent's
Correct article usage
the opponent's
show examples
 option, namely, it is not vital for them; they should study only one theme which is important to them.

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why a wide range of subjects can help students, and why a small number can help them learn in depth. Your own view is clear, but it changes in the middle: first you say many subjects are more useful, then you support fewer subjects. State one clear view and keep it.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The idea that students can solve every life problem because they studied many subjects is too broad. Give one simple case, such as a student who studies science, art, and computers before choosing a university course.
task response
Answer the question about older schoolchildren. Say why this age group may need broad study first, or may be ready to focus on fewer subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and an ending. This is good. However, make each part follow one main idea. In the second part, the opening says many subjects are better, but the rest says fewer subjects are better.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links more carefully. Words such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'Therefore' are helpful, but the ideas after them must match. Avoid phrases like 'the second right' and 'the first dilemma' because their meaning is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a reason and an example. For example: fewer subjects give students more time; more time helps them learn hard parts; this can prepare them for later study or work.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words to show contrast and result.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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