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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

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The bar chart compares the usage of four different transport systems: bus, car,
bike
Use synonyms
 and
foot
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, made for travelling to and from job place in
an
Correct article usage
a
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 European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, during the given period, cars showed a considerable rise
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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Use synonyms
bike
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bikes
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 and
foot
Use synonyms
 recorded a significant drop over the years.
In
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On
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 the other hand,
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
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 was accounted for fluctuating usage in that period. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first glance, cars are considered the most common transportation by European employees,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 at about 6 in 1960,
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
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 to 25 in 1980 and
ended
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ending
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 at more than 35 in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, travelling through buses began at 20 and grew to
rouphly
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roughly
 27 and decreased sharply to nearly 16.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, leaving for work
using
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by
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bike
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
foot
Change preposition
on foot
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 became less popular year by year.
Bike
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 riders were above 25 in 1960 and went down dramatically to below 10 in 2000, similar
experience to
Correct word order
to the experience of
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foot
Use synonyms
 walkers
that
Correct pronoun usage
, who
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 were 35 in 1960 and dropped to 10 by the year 2000.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words bike, foot with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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