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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some educationalists argue that non-exam, arts-based subjects, such as music, drama, art and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some educational professionals believe that creative arts-based modules must be included in the secondary college syllabus. But others argue that the secondary school curriculum is only bound to academically valued studies. Albeit there is a dichotomy of views on
this
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 concern, I harbour the belief that
this
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 apprehension is totally warranted. But it should beg for some sort of exemplification and justification. In contemporary neo-liberal societies, people may be thoroughly bound with internal aggression, anarchy, anxiety and mental disorders.
Therefore
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, Visual arts subjects like music, drama, art, and craft may provide a safe way to release these negative repercussions for secondary college students.
Also
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, these educational programs may preponderantly enhance humanity, sympathy, kindness, intellectual virtues and collaborative success. Throughout my essay, I will venture and pursue a speculative hypothesis by elaborating my perception. At the same time, just as crucially, it is conceived as subject to the standard of formal assessment for the basic requirement of logical rigour and conceptual precision. Supporters of creative arts-based studies are more likely to raise the team of social equality, social justice, the common good, and social growth,
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 contrarians of these modules claim that these are not valuable for academic performance. But these modules may rudimentally create a safe passage to release their academic pressure, peer pressure and negative emotions.
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, those are able to develop their soft skills and practical skills
while
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 studying these materials.
Nevertheless
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, contemporary society has placed a high premium on humanity, sensitivity, sympathy and kindness .
Therefore
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 ,
while
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 studying music, drama, art , and craft curriculum may easily educate those values. These educational programs may conspicuously eradicate barbarism, internal aggression, brutalism and violent behaviour in the students. In conclusion, when creating a safe and sympathetic society, the secondary college curriculum should include the visual arts subject irrespective of their academic value.

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task achievement
Your introduction includes your main idea, but you could explain it more clearly. Make sure to directly state your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words and simple sentences to help the reader understand your point of view easily. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that connects well to the next.
task achievement
You provided some ideas but could add more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention how arts can help reduce stress in students.
task achievement
Your essay shows your strong belief in the importance of arts in education.
coherence and cohesion
The use of various topics like social growth and emotional safety adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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