IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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Introduction
In the modern era, whether we should save the historical centres or build a modern development to replace them is a topic of considerable debate. I strongly believe that preserving an old building can help us to increase economic growth and preserve the cultural identity of that place.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, old architecture
represent
Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
show examples
 the cultural
value
Use synonyms
 of that area.
Also
Linking Words
, it is a main cultural identity that tells a story of the past to that
country
Use synonyms
. Because of its unique architectural design and traditions peoples want to save them for future generations.
In addition
Linking Words
, historic landmarks are an indispensable asset of that
country
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.
For example
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, Rome has become the world's best tourist place to see the historical landmarks because of preserving the heritage structures from the
last
Linking Words
 100 years of that
country
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.
Body paragraph 2
Lastly
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, conserving the historic landmark can help them to increase economical growth of that
country
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.
Body paragraph 3
Therefore
Linking Words
, so many places which has historicals places become a main attraction for tourists. Tourists often choose
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 destination which was built in the past . So, it's become a great source of money to increase the financial
value
Use synonyms
 of that area.
Also
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, it's add the
value
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 to the peoples employement and job security by working in restaurants and hotels that are near the attractions.
For instance
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, the Taj Mahal is India's greatest tourist attraction. So, people who work as a tourist guide or in a hotel in the agra earn a good amount of salary.
However
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, constructing new centres from old structure wants a lot of money and energy for resources, contributing to environmental waste.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, cities should prioritise the old architectural buildings because they contribute in economical growth and save the cultural identity of that place. New construction may demolish the
value
Use synonyms
 of that city's past.

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task response
Make the second main point more full. You say old sites bring money, but explain more clearly how visitors spend money on rooms, food, travel, and local jobs.
task response
Add one short point about modern buildings. Say that cities can build new homes and offices in other parts of the city, while keeping important old places. This will make your view more complete.
task response
Use more exact facts in your examples. For Rome, say that many visitors come to see places such as the Colosseum. For the Taj Mahal, say how nearby hotels, shops, and guides get work.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. The last sentence about new building, money, energy, and waste is new and needs more support. Move it to its own part or leave it out.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear cause words, such as “This means that”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. This will make the steps in your ideas easier to see.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too often, such as “old”, “historical”, and “attraction”. You can use “heritage sites”, “landmarks”, or “past buildings” instead.
task response
Your main view is clear: old buildings should stay. You give two clear reasons: they keep the past and they can bring money from tourists.
task response
The examples of Rome and the Taj Mahal are useful and fit your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “Lastly”, “For example”, and “In a nutshell” help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preserve old buildings
  • historic place
  • part of history
  • cultural value
  • special character
  • local identity
  • tourist attraction
  • bring in money
  • repair and reuse
  • save resources
  • reduce waste
  • tear down
  • replace with
  • modern design
  • with care
  • find a balance
  • important landmark
  • learn from the past
  • city center
  • public building
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