IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Due to
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 most countries
adapting
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adopting
show examples
 a capitalistic ideology, we have seen
an
Correct article usage
a
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 rise in
people
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 making an incredible sum of money.
This
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in
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, in
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 return gets quite a few different opinions
,
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apply
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 on whether it's positive or negative for
people
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 to achieve
such
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 high salaries. On
one
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 hand,
people
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 argue that
this
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 helps countries to develop economically, but
on the other hand
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, we have those who feel that
this
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 is unfair, and plead with the governments to put a limit on how much
one
Use synonyms
 can earn.
Overall
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, it's quite hard to decide which side is right, but I think we should praise creative
people
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 and let them be
awarded
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rewarded
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 for their ingenuity
instead
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 of punishing them and limiting their monetary gain, so that the rest of us can earn as much as them.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, most
people
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 earn these high salaries
due to
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 their perseverance and brilliant ideas.
For instance
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, Bill Gates
who
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, who
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 has founded Microsoft, not only worked on his project for a decade until he
has seen
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saw
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 success, but
also
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 donates a huge sum of his
earning
Replace the word
earnings
 to charity. So why should we punish those like him who dedicate their life to their passions, which
also
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 pay taxes like the rest of us, that in return helps the countries economically? In conclusion, I believe that these hard workers should be praised for how much they contribute to society
instead
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 of
,
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apply
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 stripping them of their monetary value.
Body paragraph 2
Following up, we have the solid argument that they don't require so much
economical
Replace the word
economic
 freedom, that
people
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 with a fraction of what they earn are struggling just to survive. To illustrate, the resources held by the top
one
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 are more than enough to completely fund housing and support systems for most homeless
people
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.
While
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 it would definitely be a huge help,
i
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I
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 think those who
ended
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end
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 up
the
Change preposition
on the
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 street have little to no societal impact. So
in
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, in
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 conclusion, would we really be making the right choice, or just helping those who do not wish to be helped?
Conclusion
In summary, it is quite hard to fully support just
one
Use synonyms
 side, as they both have solid arguments. But as I see it, we would only damage our society if we were to strip the financial earnings of those who earned
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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. In general,
i
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I
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 recommend that we should still attempt to help others with just a fraction of the overwhelming resources that some
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
, to
analyze
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analyse
show examples
 if it has any positive outcomes, and if
this
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 fails
we
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, we
show examples
 should continue as is.

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task response
Give a more even discussion of both views. The first view is explained in more detail, but the view about a pay limit needs a stronger reason and a clearer example.
task response
Your main view is not fully steady. You say very high pay should not be limited, but you also say some of this money should be used to help others. State clearly how this should happen: by choice, by tax, or by a law.
task response
Avoid saying that people without homes have “little to no societal impact” or may not want help. This is too broad and is not supported. Instead, explain that some people need housing, health care, or job help.
task response
Use examples that directly answer the question. For example, explain how very high pay can push people to create new goods and jobs, and how a pay limit or higher tax could help pay for schools, health care, or housing.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph should explain why high pay can be good. The second should explain why some people want a limit. Then give your view in the last paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “In conclusion” in the middle of the essay. Save it for the final paragraph. In body paragraphs, use simple links like “Also”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. For example, after the Bill Gates example, explain exactly how his company helps a country: it creates jobs, pays tax, and makes useful tools.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “Supporters of high salaries say they reward hard work and new ideas.” Then: “Others believe very high salaries make the gap between rich and poor too large.”
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. You also use examples, such as Bill Gates and people without homes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “For instance”, and “In summary” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • incentivize
  • discrepancy
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • equitable distribution
  • wealth concentration
  • talent retention
  • global competitiveness
  • social unrest
  • innovate
  • government intervention
  • salary cap
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