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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people suggest that sport helps people learn about teamwork, but others say it can encourage them to be too competitive. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

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Introduction
Nowadays, a substantial proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that sport sector is able to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teamwork
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 other individuals have found
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to more
competitive
Replace the word
competitiveness
.
This
Linking Words
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
 will examine both perspectives before discussing why I feel
sports
Use synonyms
 have
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Initialy
Correct your spelling
Initially
, it is often thought that
sports
Use synonyms
 are teamwork
playing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words,
sports
Use synonyms
 might gather
people
Use synonyms
togather
Correct your spelling
together
 and have a
profund affect
Correct your spelling
profound effect
 on their
communicates
Replace the word
communication
 between
themselevs
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recnent research has shown that most
of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer to play football or other types of social plays, they are masterd the temwork skills better than
others
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who like individual
sports
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, my opinion is that we can
aquire nurmouse
Correct your spelling
acquire numerous
 benefits owing to social games.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a high percentage of pepole think that
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 competitions have a massive negative
influenced
Replace the word
influence
 on the grounds that they might have a passive
experienced
Replace the word
experience
 with it.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many football fans who are
angary
Correct your spelling
angry
 for their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 club because they have a strong desire to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 victory.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the more
people
Use synonyms
 become competitive, the greater the negative impact on their lives.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both views have drawbacks and benefits.
However
Linking Words
, I think that
sports
Use synonyms
 can
lead to aid
Verb problem
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 more
becuse wroking
Correct your spelling
because working
 with
team
Correct article usage
a team
show examples
 and
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
 with various
people
Use synonyms
 can
builed
Correct your spelling
build
 new skills.

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task response
Discuss both sides in more depth. Explain clearly how team sports teach people to share jobs, talk, and help each other. Then explain how too much focus on winning can make some people act badly.
task response
Make your own view clear in the first paragraph and again at the end. Say that sport is helpful when people learn to enjoy the game, respect others, and not only think about winning.
task response
Use examples that directly support each idea. For example, football players must pass the ball and follow a plan, while some fans may get angry or fight after a loss.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between each main idea clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one direct main idea. For example: “Team sports can teach people how to work with others.” Then explain it before giving an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words correctly: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “As a result”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”. Do not use “Nevertheless” when the next sentence gives the same negative idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as “people”, “sports”, and “competitive” too often. You can use “players”, “games”, “team sports”, and “the wish to win”.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your own view that sport is mostly helpful.
task response
You use football as an example for both teamwork and the wish to win.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “For instance”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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