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Band 5

Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#differences #countries #people #media #trend
Some hold the idea that the ubiquity of social media houses is a major disadvantage, as it blurs the line between various countries, leading to a presumable loss of cultural identity.
Nevertheless
, in my opinion, the merits of
this
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
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 homogenization outnumber the drawbacks. Not only does digitalization
instill
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instil
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 a
sense
 of unity amongst
population
Add an article
the population
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, but
also
 it brings numerous
people
 living in foreign countries together
while
 eliminating the feeling of being a stranger. First and foremost, in today's digital
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
people
 use a limited amount of social media and browse through
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 popular applications,
TV
Correct word choice
and TV
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 shows, which consist of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 for everyone. Indisputably, the amount of information provided by those sites and apps is undefined, but, having an innate
sense
 of unity,
people
 tend to follow
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 trends. To illustrate
this
, it's a widely known fact that younger generations,
such
 as
generation z
Correct your spelling
Generation Z
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, alpha, and the majority of
millenials
Correct your spelling
millennials
, use Instagram or TikTok as a tool for communication.
Moreover
,
this
 interconnectedness could
surve
Correct your spelling
serve
 a grave benefit to everyone, as those apps apprise their user base of recent formidable global and societal issues,
such
 as global warming,
economic
Correct word choice
and economic
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 setbacks, that can only be solved
while
 acting as a robust community.
In addition
 to
this
, during the
last
 couple of decades, travelling and studying abroad has become widely spread in humanity, as individuals strive for cultural exchange and
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
 future
valuablerelations
Correct your spelling
relationships
.
As a result
, the population has eradicated the constraints of
long distance
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long-distance
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 and cutting-edge technology have played an indispensable role in
this
.
Furthermore
, the latter
triggerred
Correct your spelling
triggered
 the adoption of
same
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the same
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 fashion, music, and Netflix series
taste
Correct subject-verb agreement
tastes
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 in individuals, which enabled them to diminish the feeling of alienation and homesickness.
For instance
, in 2022, the majority of transfer students in Spain report that they have had a
sense
 of comfort
while
 communicating with native speakers
due to
 having
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 Netflix series likes. In light of
this
, from my point of view, the advantages of using
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 print and digital media outweigh the disadvantages.
Additionally
,
while
 the web fosters worldwide prosperity
due to
uniting
Correct article usage
the uniting
show examples
 of like-minded
people
, some of us completely get rid of loneliness and
bitter
Correct article usage
the bitter
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sense
living
Change preposition
of living
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 outside of
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
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 home countries because of vanguard gadgets.
Submitted by ani.gabrielyan.2006 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides valid points, some of the ideas could be developed further to enhance clarity and depth. For instance, more detailed examples could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that there is a smooth transition between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical and stylistic inaccuracies. Reviewing sentence structures will help improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.
task achievement
You effectively address both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view before concluding in favor of the advantages.
general
Your writing demonstrates a good grasp of vocabulary and an ability to articulate ideas comprehensively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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