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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that schools should teach practical skills such as financial management, cooking and basic repairs, instead of focusing mainly on academic subjects. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is argued that institutions should teach practical
skills
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,
instead
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 of educating only academic
subjects
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.
Body paragraph 1
I fully agree that
students
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 must be taught cooking and financial management
skills
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.
Body paragraph 2
First and foremost, practical
skills
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,
such
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 as cooking or managing finance may increase the interest of
students
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 to come to school.
This
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 is because
students
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 who
study
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 only academic
subjects
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 may be bored , and teaching cookery
skills
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 will encourage them to come to school not just to
study
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subjects
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, but
also
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 to do the
skills
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 which are beneficial and which they prefer.
For example
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, in the US ,
students
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 have choices to choose a skill they want to learn.
This
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 results in better attendance of
students
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 and will encourage them to come to school because lots of
students
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 want to take a break from studying, and practical
skills
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 can be a solution to take one's mind off things.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
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, practical
skills
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 are beneficial for
students
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' future.
This
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 is because many
students
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 want to
study
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 abroad, and the food preparation, which they had learned at schools may help them in another country to
cook
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 dishes for themselves.
Additionally
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, financial management
skills
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 can help to spend money properly and prevent them not spend money extravagantly.
For instance
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, nowadays,
students
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 who know how to
cook
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 and live in foreign countries or
study
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 there can easily
cook
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 food for themselves, even for their groupmates . Which means
students
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 can live or
study
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 in other countries and can
cook
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 for themselves.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I fully agree with people who say that institutions should educate
students
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 not only with academic
subjects
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, but with practical
skills
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 too.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that schools should teach practical skills. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why these skills are as important as school subjects. You can also say that schools should teach both, not replace one with the other.
task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some points repeat. For example, the part about cooking while living abroad is said more than once. Use the extra space to explain basic repairs, saving money, or how these skills help in daily life.
task response
Some examples are too general. The example about schools in the US needs more detail, or use a simple real-life example: a student can plan a weekly budget, cook cheap meals, and fix a small problem at home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each main part focus on one idea only. The first can be about student interest, and the second can be about life after school.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use 'This is because' many times. Try other simple links, such as 'As a result', 'Also', 'For this reason', and 'Therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences clearer. After the US example, explain exactly how choice leads to better attendance. At the end of the second main part, avoid repeating the same point about cooking abroad.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence breaks and spaces around commas. For example, do not put a space before a comma. Also, avoid starting a new sentence with 'Which means'; join it to the sentence before it.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You give two helpful reasons: practical skills can make school more interesting, and they can help students in later life.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of 'First and foremost', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly repeats your main view and brings the essay to a close.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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