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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside this will be passengers. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

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Introduction
In the next several
decade
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decades
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, in the future, many
people
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 have predicted that most of the
vehicles
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 will have autonomous
drivers
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, leaving only passengers utilize it.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon will cause
people
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 to lose their jobs, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks because transportation will be faster and cheaper.
Body paragraph 1
With the advancement of technology, the development of driverless
vehicles
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such
Linking Words
 as cars, buses, and trucks will be our future. Autonomous systems offers safeties driving
experience
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 for travellers; unlike humans, who could
do some
Verb problem
make
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 mistakes and feel tired, a machine will drive continuously without feeling exhausted.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with the precision and exact ability to calculate, autonomous
drivers
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 will provided its passengers with on-time schedules.
For instance
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, students do not need to worry about coming late to school because the bus driver failed to calculate the traffic congestion on the way, because driverless
vehicles
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 will be able to predict and prevent it.
In addition
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, with
this
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 technological advancement, transportation will be cheaper than before, with no need to spend on wages.
As a result
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, transportation will be more affordable and efficient.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 disadvantages to
this
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 autonomous driver invention. Many taxi or bus companies will
utilize
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utilise
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 autonomous
drivers
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 and cut
off
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apply
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their employees.
Consequently
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, many
people
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 will lose their jobs, affecting their income and putting financial pressure on families.
Drivers
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 who spend most of their time working as
drivers
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 will get difficulties to find a new job
due to
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 a lack of
experience
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.
However
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, several measures could be taken by the authorities to provide training and give them
experience
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 to get other jobs.
Conclusion
To
summarize
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summarise
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,
although
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 some
people
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 will lose their occupations because of it, with correct measures from the government, all of the benefits will outweigh its drawbacks. In the future, the
experience
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 of
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 by
vehicles
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 will be more affordable, effective, and efficient.

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task response
Answer the main question more fully. Explain why safer and cheaper travel is more important than job loss, and say how the problem of job loss can be made smaller.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need more support. For example, explain how driverless cars may make travel safer, and also note that machines can fail or be hacked.
task response
Use one clear example for each main point. The school bus example is useful, but it should focus on safety or time in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same point. For example, say either “cheap and efficient” or explain how each word is different.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words with care: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In short”. Make sure each new sentence follows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending state your view in a direct way. Say that the good points are greater because safety, lower cost, and better travel time help many people, while job loss can be dealt with by training.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view until the end.
task response
You cover both sides of the issue: better travel and the loss of driver jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “Consequently” help show the links between ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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