IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, a large number of people think that the best way to improve road
safety
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 is to increase the minimum legal
age
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 for driving
licenses
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 for a
car
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 or motorbike. From my perspective, I partly agree with
this
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 view rising the minimum legal
age
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 could improve
safety
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 issues, but I believe that stricter driving examinations and better education about rules can be more effective.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, I agree that
rising
Verb problem
raising
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 the minimum
age
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licenses
Change preposition
for licenses
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 could improve road
safety
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.
This
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 means that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation always
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to take
Correct determiner usage
their parents
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parents
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parents'
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car
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 without any knowledge about
roads
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, which can lead to
negatively
Replace the word
negative consequences
 for their parents and for them because they don't know how
it based
Verb problem
to drive
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 and can crash
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car
Correct article usage
the car
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, if the government adds
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 rule regarding
about
Change preposition
the
show examples
age
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 limit to access
licenses
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, in the
country
Punctuation problem
country,
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 there'll
fewer
Verb problem
be fewer
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 accidents and
increase
Replace the word
increased
 awareness among society. A case in point is that countries produced new rules about
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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 limit for youngsters because they can create any problems for people with over 20
year experiences
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years of experience
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 on
roads
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.
Body paragraph 2
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, I do not believe that raising the minimum
age
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 is the most effective solution.
This
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 is because
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roads
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road
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 accidents can be caused by unexpected drivers who are older and
over
Rephrase
apply
show examples
speeding
with
Punctuation problem
,
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 ignoring any
signs
Correct word choice
safety signs
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 about
safety
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government should allocate
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public funds to do stricter testing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 before getting
licenses
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 or
continuity
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continuing
 to ride.
Consequently
Linking Words
, providing excellent education for
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 generation to reduce
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car's
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car
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 accidents and that can be used as
way
Correct article usage
a way
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 to promote youngsters to understand how rules are
initially
Linking Words
 based.
For instance
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, people who are over 60
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 can be used as
introduction
Correct article usage
an introduction
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 to adults and can talk to get advice.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 I agree
with
Correct word choice
that
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 increasing
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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 limit can improve
safety
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 issues on
roads
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I reckon that stricter testing and providing a good education would be more effective.

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task response
State your view in one clear sentence: raising the age may help, but it is not the best way. Keep this same view in all parts of the essay.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. Show why young drivers may take more risks, and show why tests and road lessons can help drivers of all ages.
task response
Use real, clear examples. The example about people over 60 is hard to understand and does not clearly support your point. You could write about a driver who must pass a road test before they can drive.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each main part state one clear idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas easier to follow. Do not use “This means that” when the next sentence does not explain the sentence before it. Use simple links such as “For example”, “However”, “Because of this”, and “As a result” only when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Write shorter sentences so that the reader can see the cause, result, and example clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Check that key words are clear and the same each time. Use “minimum driving age”, “driving test”, and “road safety” rather than changing to unclear phrases such as “age licenses” or “access licenses”.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view. You also suggest other ways to make roads safer.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a useful four-part shape: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “Furthermore”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • road safety
  • cognitive skills
  • decision-making abilities
  • comprehensive driver education
  • unlicensed driving
  • economic implications
  • mobility
  • stricter enforcement
  • traffic laws
  • driver education
  • road accidents
  • mature and responsible
  • illegal driving
What to do next:
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