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Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Crime
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 is often a subject of debate,
some
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with some
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people
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 arguing that strict punishment is the best way to manage the issue,
while
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 others believe there are better ways to reduce
crime
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the phenomenon and propose a way to address
this
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 issue.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons for the
crime
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. The main reasons are the environment, young
people
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 who grow up in dysfunctional families or disadvantaged communities may be more likely to be involved to commit
crime
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.
Also
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, there are many factors that can encourage
people
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 to develop harmful habits ,
such
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 as
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a
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lack of education
,
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and
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 unemployment.
For example
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, “families with violence and drug abuse are more likely to commiting
crime
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 than others,” said Dr Fahad , King Saud University. In my view, a positive lifestyle is the best way to reduce
crime
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the government plays a crucial role to slove
this
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 issue by integrate offender to the socities. Rehabilitation programs can help former offender reintegarate to the communities,
then
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 reduce
crime
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.
For example
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, a friend of mine used drugs but after a rehabilitation programm become more effective in society. From my perspective,education, employment, and rehabilitation are all factors that play an important role to decrease the
crime
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 among
people
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 and improving our satisfaction.
Conclusion
In conclusion, increasing awareness among society through education
,
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and
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 learning could help to improve a better lifestyle. Close monitoring should be considered among parents.

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why some people support longer time in prison, such as keeping dangerous people away and making others fear crime. Then explain other ways, such as school, jobs, and help for drug use.
task response
Give your own view clearly in the introduction and conclusion. You can say that prison is needed for very serious crime, but help with work, school, and family life is better for reducing crime in the long term.
task response
Make each main idea clear, then add an explanation and one real or clear example. The first body part talks about why crime happens, but it does not fully explain the view about longer prison sentences.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The quote from a doctor is not explained, and the friend example needs more detail about how the program stopped later crime.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction; longer prison sentences; other ways; conclusion. This will help the reader follow both views.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a direct main sentence. For example: “Longer prison sentences may reduce crime in two ways.” Then explain the two ways before giving an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For this reason,” and “As a result.” Do not use “On the one hand” for a paragraph that only gives causes of crime.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea in each paragraph. The second body part moves from the government to a friend and then to life satisfaction. Remove ideas that do not directly answer the question.
task response
You give a clear main view that education, work, and help programs can reduce crime.
task response
You include ideas about family life, school, jobs, and drug use. These are useful ways to explain why crime may happen.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “On the one hand,” “Also,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.”
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime
  • prison
  • jail
  • sentence
  • longer
  • punishment
  • deter
  • deterrence
  • keep safe
  • remove danger
  • cost
  • money
  • crowding
  • rehab
  • rehabilitation
  • prevention
  • education
  • jobs
  • housing
  • health
  • mental health
  • addiction
  • early intervention
  • support
  • programs
  • probation
  • community service
  • fines
  • alternative penalties
  • fairness
  • justice
  • equal
  • repeat crime
  • reoffend
  • root causes
  • poverty
  • policy
  • government
  • invest
  • effectiveness
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