IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Crime
Use synonyms
 is a serious issue in many societies, and there are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 commit crimes. One of the main reasons is the environment in which
people
Use synonyms
 grow up.
For example
Linking Words
, children who grow up in dysfunctional families or disadvantaged communities may be more likely to become involved in
crime
Use synonyms
. Poverty and unemployment can
also
Linking Words
 encourage some
people
Use synonyms
 to commit crimes because they may struggle to meet their basic needs.
Body paragraph 1
Another important factor is the lack of education and positive opportunities. Young
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have access to quality education or employment may feel that they have limited choices in life. In some cases, they may become involved with the wrong
people
Use synonyms
 and develop harmful habits, which can increase the likelihood of criminal behaviour.
Body paragraph 2
In my opinion, punishment alone is not enough to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
. Governments should focus more on rehabilitation, education, and employment opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, former offenders could receive vocational training and post-release supervision to help them build a better lifestyle and avoid committing
further
Linking Words
 crimes. These measures could
also
Linking Words
 help reduce recidivism and support offenders in reintegrating into society.
Body paragraph 3
Families
also
Linking Words
 have an important role to play. Parents should monitor their children's behaviour and teach them the difference between right and wrong from an early age. Providing children with a supportive environment can
also
Linking Words
 reduce the likelihood of them becoming involved in criminal activities.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, I believe that
crime
Use synonyms
 can be reduced if governments, families, schools, and communities work together. Prevention and rehabilitation are just as important as punishment because they can help
people
Use synonyms
 change their behaviour, reintegrate into society, and reduce recidivism.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides of the question. Explain why some people want longer prison terms, then explain other ways to cut crime. Your view is clear, but the first side is missing.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the main question. The first two parts explain why crime happens, but they do not fully discuss longer prison terms.
task response
Give a clear example for each main idea. For longer terms, you could say they may stop some people from doing crime again. For other ways, you could show how school, work, and help after prison can change lives.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: causes of crime, ways to help, the role of families, and a final view. Make the order match the question more closely by using one part for each view.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short opening that says you will look at both views and give your own view. This will make the start more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links to show the two sides, such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”. Then use “In my view” before your own idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts repeat the idea of helping people after crime. You can join these ideas and use the space to explain the missing view about longer prison terms.
task response
Your main view is clear: punishment by itself may not be enough, and help with school, work, and life after prison can cut repeat crime.
task response
You give useful ideas about families, schools, work, and support after prison. These are all linked to reducing crime.
coherence and cohesion
Each part has one main idea, and the final part brings your main points together well.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words, such as “For example”, “Another important factor”, and “Overall”, to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime
  • prison
  • jail
  • sentence
  • longer
  • punishment
  • deter
  • deterrence
  • keep safe
  • remove danger
  • cost
  • money
  • crowding
  • rehab
  • rehabilitation
  • prevention
  • education
  • jobs
  • housing
  • health
  • mental health
  • addiction
  • early intervention
  • support
  • programs
  • probation
  • community service
  • fines
  • alternative penalties
  • fairness
  • justice
  • equal
  • repeat crime
  • reoffend
  • root causes
  • poverty
  • policy
  • government
  • invest
  • effectiveness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: