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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Families have a great influence on children's development, but the outside world plays a bigger part in children's life. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is argued that
although
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families
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 have a significant influence on
children
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's
development
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, the outside world plays a more important role in their
lives
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.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 view because
parents
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 are
children
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's first teachers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 family support has a lasting impact on their personal
development
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.
Body paragraph 1
Families
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 play the most important role in shaping
children
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's personality and values from an early age. The first thing is that
parents
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 teach their
children
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 basic life skills and moral values
such
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 as honesty, kindness, and respect for others.
Children
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 usually spend most of their early years at home, so they naturally learn by observing their
parents
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' behaviour.
For example
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, if
parents
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 always say "thank you", apologise when they make mistakes, and help their neighbours, their
children
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 are likely to copy these behaviours and grow up to become polite and responsible people.
Therefore
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,
families
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 provide the foundation for
children
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's future
development
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.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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,
parents
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 continue to influence their
children
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 by offering guidance and emotional support throughout their
lives
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. When
children
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 face difficulties at school or in their personal
lives
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,
parents
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 are often the first people to encourage and advise them.
This
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 helps
children
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 become more confident and resilient when dealing with challenges.
For instance
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, when a student fails an important exam, supportive
parents
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 may help them identify their weaknesses, make a study plan, and encourage them to try again
instead
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 of giving up.
As a result
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,
children
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 learn to overcome setbacks and become more responsible adults.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 schools, friends, and society all influence
children
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's
development
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, I believe that
families
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 have the greatest impact because they shape
children
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's character and continue to provide guidance and support throughout their
lives
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.

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task response
Your clear view is given at the start and kept to the end. To make it even stronger, say more clearly why the outside world is less important, not only why family is important.
task response
Your main ideas are well explained: parents teach values, then give help and care. You could add one short point about school or friends and show why family still has the main effect.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your ideas. A more personal or more exact example could make them feel even more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a very clear order: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “Moreover”, “For example”, “Therefore”, and “As a result”, help the reader follow your ideas. Try not to use too many set link words; sometimes join ideas in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion restates your view well. You may make it a little more direct by briefly naming both main reasons again.
task response
You answer the question fully and clearly disagree with the main claim.
task response
The two reasons are useful and well developed: early learning at home and long-term help from parents.
task response
The examples about polite actions and help after an exam clearly support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly shows your view and gives the two ideas that the essay will explain.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph stays focused on one point and ends by showing its result for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion gives a clear final answer and links back to the main ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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