IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The demand for food is increasing worldwide. Why has it happened? What measures could the international community take to improve the situation?

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Introduction
There was
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 international
cruicise
Correct your spelling
crisis
 for
food
Use synonyms
, and
one
Use synonyms
 of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is population.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should bring
subcides
Correct your spelling
subsidies
 for
framers
Use the right word
farmers
show examples
, and people should stop wasting
food
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 people
choosing
Verb problem
are choosing
show examples
 farming as occupiation around the world. Back in the
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 each and every
one
Use synonyms
 in the family used
do
Verb problem
to do
show examples
farmering
Correct your spelling
farming
, and there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 no shortage of
food
Use synonyms
. Coming to
now a days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
, all the kids in the families are focusing on education
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of agriculture is decreasing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all the people
facing
Verb problem
are facing
show examples
food
Use synonyms
shortage
Check wording
shortages
show examples
.
One
Use synonyms
 more major reason is
food
Use synonyms
 wastage. Here,
over
Rephrase
apply
show examples
ordering
food
Use synonyms
 from
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 place. To overcome
this
Linking Words
,
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 need to order
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 what they need or take the rest of the
food
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home,
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting.
Body paragraph 2
secondally
Correct your spelling
Secondly
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should encourage
citizen
Check wording
citizens
show examples
 to do more
argriculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 by providing
subcides
Correct your spelling
subsidies
 and reducing
Use synonyms
tax
Check wording
taxes
show examples
 on
pestized
Replace the word
pesticides
. By doing
this
Linking Words
, the growth of
food
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 gradually and
this
Linking Words
 process can solve the
food
Use synonyms
 shortage.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
povide
Correct your spelling
provide
 electricity and water for
argriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
 land.
For instance
Linking Words
,
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 boy from framing family gets all the imunities and they will choose
agriculutire
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 for
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 and by increasing framers automatically
Use synonyms
food
Punctuation problem
, food
show examples
 production will
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
.
Use synonyms
tax
Capitalize the word
Tax
show examples
 is
one
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for the farmers, and all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
should make zero
tax
Use synonyms
 on agriculture.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the major reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 demand
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 increased population and
food
Use synonyms
 wastage. To overcome
this
Linking Words
government
Use synonyms
 should provide all the
imunities
Check wording
immunity
show examples
 for farmers and decrease the
tax
Use synonyms
 on agriculture.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. Explain why food demand is going up, such as more people, more money in some places, and less farm land. Then give world-level actions, not only actions by one government.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. For example, say how help for farmers can lead to more food: lower costs, more crops, and more food for people.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about a young boy is hard to follow. A better example is: countries can share water systems and new farm tools with poor areas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: introduction, one paragraph on causes, one paragraph on world actions, and a short conclusion. Keep each paragraph about one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear first line. For example: "One cause is the fast rise in the number of people." Then explain this idea before moving to food waste.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way: "First," "Also," "As a result," and "For example." Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match the body. If you write about food waste in the first body paragraph, include it in the actions in the conclusion too.
task response
You give clear causes: more people, fewer farmers, and food waste.
task response
You suggest useful actions, such as help for farmers, lower tax, and better water and power.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as "Firstly," "Therefore," "Additionally," and "In conclusion."
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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