IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Should both parents share childcare equally?With opinion and example.

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Introduction
At the
Change preposition
In
show examples
 ancient
,
Check wording
times, parents
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 dependent responsibilities of
childcare
Use synonyms
 rather than equally.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should
share
Use synonyms
childcare
Use synonyms
 fairly
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 equally depend on their
time
Use synonyms
, energy, and knowledge. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 have
varies
Wrong verb form
varying
show examples
 awareness
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 that hold them to
share
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 their
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 regularly.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should take
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
 way to
share
Use synonyms
childcare
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
parents
Use synonyms
 have to attend a variety of courses to learn how to manage their sharing fairly.
For example
Linking Words
, a mother has the ability to feed, arrange, and
tide
Use the right word
tend
show examples
 more perfectly than a father. Because of the nature
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of each of them
that
Punctuation problem
, that
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 make a mother have long
time
Use synonyms
 with their children.
Overall
Linking Words
, they should have
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 between them to prevent obstructions that distract their lives.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
their
Verb problem
there are
show examples
 a lot of obstructions that interrupt their progress to
share
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 their
time
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.
For example
Linking Words
, overtime work for a father or even expand their relationships with
mate
Correct determiner usage
their mate
show examples
 for betterment lives. All these distractions play a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 not
divide
Wrong verb form
dividing
show examples
childcare
Use synonyms
 equally.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
parents
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 should accept some
different
Replace the word
differences
 in their
childcare
Use synonyms
 responsibilities.
Conclusion
In conclusion, all these fairly
share
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role for upbringing good family.
Make
Verb problem
Have
show examples
 a discussion
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other that will
rise up
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 the quality of their
childcare
Use synonyms
. My recommendations are to focus on
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 their cooperation to
get easy
Replace the word
easily
 cope with difficulties and stress.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: parents should share childcare fairly, but not always in the same way. Keep this idea in every part of the essay.
task response
Explain why jobs can be different. For example, one parent may work late, while the other may have more time at home. Both parents can still help in a fair way.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Say what each parent does, such as feeding the baby, taking the child to school, cooking, cleaning, or helping with school work.
task response
Some ideas are not fully clear, such as courses and different awareness. Use simple ideas that directly answer the question about childcare.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make the link between each part stronger by starting each main part with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Put one reason and one example in each main part. Then explain how the example supports your view. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words carefully: First, For example, However, Also, As a result, and In conclusion. Do not repeat "Overall" in every part.
coherence and cohesion
The ending should restate your view in simple words. Avoid adding a new idea at the end. Say that parents should talk and divide jobs based on time and needs.
task response
You give a clear personal view that childcare should be fair and should depend on each parent’s time and ability.
task response
You try to use examples about a mother, a father, and overtime work. These examples are related to family life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a clear basic shape: opening, two main parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as "To begin with", "Furthermore", "For example", and "In conclusion" to show the order of your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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