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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that
competition
Use synonyms
 at work, at school, and in daily life brings benefits,
while
Linking Words
 others
convinced
Verb problem
are convinced
show examples
 that we ought to cooperate more,
instead
Linking Words
 of competing against each other. After
analyzing
Change the spelling
analysing
show examples
 the merits and drawbacks of the debate, I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should cooperate and work together to better contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, it can't be denied that
competition
Use synonyms
 creates motivation, ambition, and better performances. If
people
Use synonyms
 work or study under
competition
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
, companies' KPI, GPA of the courses, individuals tend to have stronger incentives to
competer
Correct your spelling
compete
 and pursue their goal under
standards
Use synonyms
 and regulations.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will form better performances in
works
Check wording
work
show examples
 or exams. Apart from that,
competition
Use synonyms
 can give information on which or who is better, so
enteties
Correct your spelling
entities
 can make the best choice and get the best human resources after
follwing
Correct your spelling
following
 the result of the
competition
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, if all
people
Use synonyms
 in the
society
Use synonyms
 compete and don't seek
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooperation, the countries and the
society
Use synonyms
 will lose coherence, and citizens will
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
individual's benefits, rather than that
Correct word order
individual benefits, rather than those
show examples
 of the
countries'
Check wording
country
show examples
.
In addition
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, competitions always came with
standards
Use synonyms
, and the
standards
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 regulations tend to be outdated in the long-term. If
people
Use synonyms
 pursue KPI or GPA blindly, it will have negative implications
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not only
themselves
Change preposition
for themselves
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 companies
or the
Correct word choice
and
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 as well. Take evaluation
standards
Use synonyms
 in universities as an example, some students seek to take easier classes to get higher scores and GPA;
however
Linking Words
, the consequence is that they
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 learn the skills they should learn
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
compete
Wrong verb form
competing
show examples
 blindly will have bad impacts in the long term.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
competition
Use synonyms
 is not the whole meaning of life. Subjects like art, music, and literature
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 what they can bring about to
people
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of winning awards.
Consequently
Linking Words
, competing is not the only way to create great works or projects.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, after weighing both sides of the issue, the evidence
suggest
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
show examples
 that
although
Linking Words
competition
Use synonyms
 has its own benefits, we should cooperate more, since there are
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more meaningful goals to reach in our lives.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why working together is better in most cases. Give one clear real-life example of people working as a team and the good result.
task response
Your points about competition are useful, but some are not fully clear. Explain how a KPI or a GPA can push people to work harder, then show the result in a simple way.
task response
Be careful not to make very broad claims, such as saying that all people will put only their own needs first. Use softer words such as “may” or “can” and explain the link.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep one main idea in each body part. The second body part has several ideas: social unity, old rules, school grades, and art. Split this into two parts or remove one idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “Nevertheless” help the reader. However, make sure each link shows a clear cause or contrast.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order or word choice is not clear. For example, write “people tend to compete” rather than “people tend to competer”, and write “fail to cooperate” rather than “don’t seek to cooperation”.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you present the good side of competition, the value of working together, and your own clear view.
task response
The example of students taking easy classes for higher grades is relevant and helps show one risk of too much competition.
coherence and cohesion
The main paragraph order is easy to understand: first competition, then cooperation, then your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly tells the reader what the essay will discuss and what you believe.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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