IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people prefer to watch foreign movies rather than locally produced films . Why could this be ? Should government give more financial support to local film industries?

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Introduction
In recent years , international
movies
Use synonyms
 have gained widespread popularity ,
while
Linking Words
 local
film
Use synonyms
 industries have struggled to attract audiences .
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore why most
people
Use synonyms
 find foreign films attractive and give reasons why the financial support
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 local films by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is essential .
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with ,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 have a huge interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 films which are produced
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas . The primary reason can be the high quality of production and the curiosity of diverse
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 that belong to other countries . For intense , in
Uzbekistan
Add a comma
Uzbekistan,
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 most
people
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 opt for soap operas which are created in Turkey , because they are good at filmmaking techniques that
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not exist in their own country .
As a result
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 ,
people
Use synonyms
 have a chance to enjoy with the help of foreign
movies
Use synonyms
 that include cutting – edge special effects and
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
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 variety of genres .
Body paragraph 2
It is important to take into account the financial support
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 domestic
movies
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 , given by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 . In some developing countries , there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not a huge investment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 filmmakers as they have other vital fields to improve . If
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 puts some budget
on
Change preposition
into the
show examples
film
Use synonyms
 industry in their own country , filmmakers might buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality products
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as the latest model of camera .
Furthermore
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 , authorities can support
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film
Correct article usage
the film
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 industry by bringing the best
film
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 director to teach their own filmmakers in order to improve their skills .
Conclusion
In conclusion , foreign
movies
Use synonyms
 are able to appeal
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 majority of
people
Use synonyms
 .
Government
Use synonyms
 have to invest their own
film
Use synonyms
 industry .

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain more clearly why foreign films are popular, such as bigger budgets, well-known actors, new stories, and better sound or images.
task response
Your view on state support is clear, but develop it further. Say what kind of help the state should give and why this can help local films grow without wasting public money.
task response
Use your Uzbekistan and Turkey example in more detail. Explain how Turkish shows attract people and how local film makers could learn from this.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep each main paragraph focused on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. For example, after saying that foreign films have better effects, explain how this makes people choose them over local films.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words such as 'because', 'for example', 'therefore', and 'as a result' can show the exact link between your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending more complete. Restate both main answers: foreign films draw people because of their quality and new culture, and state help can improve local films.
task response
You answer both questions and give a clear view that state help for local films is needed.
task response
The example of Turkish shows in Uzbekistan is relevant and helps support your point about foreign films.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as 'To begin with', 'As a result', and 'Furthermore'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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