IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many person are opting for several career options as compared to a single career option to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today's world, it is very important to be future-oriented and have career insurance. Nowadays, it's an ongoing debate whether a person should choose a single career or have multiple options set in their way in order to earn more. From my perspective, it is more beneficial to have several choices available for work in our lives , as it gives us a job and financial guarantee, learning opportunities , and a side hustle option to make more.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, in today's economy, it is crucial to have an alternative field of work in our lives.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 if an employee has decided on a single field to be their whole life , they can face problems when a company goes through issues like mass layoffs.
For example
Linking Words
, if a person knows both fashion design and accounting, there are more chances for them to secure another job once the previous one is lost under any circumstances and start earning their livelihood , as compared to someone who either knows fashion or is an accountant. These factors should be reasonable enough for one to make sure they have another path ready in case of inconvenience and save themselves from financial loss.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, varieties of skills not only offers sense of preservation but
also
Linking Words
 growth. Various skillsets offers wide range of knowledge and learning opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, someone who knows more than one skill can start their own business after-hours and eventually get themselves out of the 9-5 workloads and with time, they can grow their business and make a steady income out of it, resulting in work from home.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning new things over periods of time keeps us from getting comfortable in our daily routine and pushes us to be better every day.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that various career paths are a beneficial option. It offers a sense of insurance and forthcoming orientation
along with
Linking Words
 multiple skillsets that can be used in our daily lives and help us to grow economically and be financially self-dependent and secure money.

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task response
Make your main view even more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you agree that having more than one career skill can help people earn more money and stay safe if they lose a job.
task response
Keep all main points close to the question. The idea of job loss is strong, but explain more clearly how a second career can lead to more money, not only a new job.
task response
Your examples are useful, but make them more real and clear. For example, explain how a person with accounting skills can do part-time work while working in fashion design.
task response
Develop the second main point with one clear path: learn a skill, do work after work, build a small business, then earn more. This will make the point easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part begin with one short, clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “First,” “For example,” “Also,” and “In conclusion” are enough. Do not add too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they have many parts. Break them into two or three short sentences. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words across the essay. For example, choose “more than one career option” or “more than one skill” and use it in a clear way instead of many different terms.
task response
You give a clear view and support it with two main reasons: job safety and the chance to earn more through extra work.
task response
The examples about job loss and starting a small business are linked to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “First and foremost,” “On the other hand,” “Moreover,” and “In conclusion.”
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic necessity
  • gig economy
  • income diversification
  • personal fulfillment
  • technological advancements
  • digital platforms
  • work-life imbalance
  • stress and burnout
  • wage stagnation
  • rising cost of living
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