IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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In today's
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
smartphones
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 are an essential part of our lives and the use of
smartphones
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 is compulsory to manage our jobs but excessive and unnecessary use of
this
Linking Words
 amazing invention is creating many issues in society. We know very well
smartphones
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 are very popular among children because of their smartness and interesting features and we can't deny the fact that children are more addicted to
smartphones
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 rather than adults. I think, the situation is extremely dangerous and should be handled seriously.
This
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 equipment is like a silent killer and damaging our kid’s mental and physical health gradually. There are many reasons behind the issue but in spite of all that it’s not too late and we are not at the point of no return. But we should realise and be aware of the worst situation and try to take some important steps to overcome these horrible happenings.
Firstly
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, we should be fully involved with our kids in their studies and other school activities. We should have proper information about our friends.
Secondly
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, Parents should be responsible for their children's attitude. So teach them unconsciously about their behavior with others. Parents should spend some time with their kids on a regular basis and should talk to them about different issues. Physical activity and playing sports at nearby grounds could be helpful to away them from
smartphones
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.
Lastly
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, I, conclude my submissions on the note that technology never creates problems. It’s upon us how we use the invention. And let me say that if we want to give them a better future so that their lives will be helpful for mankind,
then
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 we as parents, should understand our responsibility and take it seriously.
Submitted by computersinn2007 on

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coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphing to help organize your ideas and make them more digestible to the reader. One idea per paragraph with a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each can significantly improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Integrate an introduction that clearly addresses the question and outlines your position. Your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or explanations. While you touched on many ideas, deepening your exploration with examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure your essay is responding to all parts of the task. Clearly state if you believe the described development is positive or negative and support that viewpoint throughout your essay. You've touched on the subject, but a more explicit stance would improve your task achievement score.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and comprehensiveness in presenting your ideas. While your essay discusses an important issue, making sure each paragraph contributes clearly to your main argument will enhance the reader’s understanding.
task achievement
Use concrete examples from your experience or knowledge to back up your claims. Including more detailed examples can greatly enhance your essay by making your arguments more relatable and convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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