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Writing Samples
Band 7

With the advancement in technology, the use of computers has increased more than ever before in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
Education worldwide has experienced a significant transition to computer-based classes and school material, and may risk the existence of actual professors in classrooms. In my opinion, I don't agree with the idea of teacher replacement as it is a risk for high-quality education.
Body paragraph 1
The interaction of the professor with the undergraduates is crucial for their learning process. Most
students
Use synonyms
 develop their optimal learning capacities because of the constant interaction with their superiors in schools, as they provide rigorous knowledge through proven cognitive methodologies in the classroom.
Moreover
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, the removal of interactions and replacing them with a full online education system severely aggravates the
students
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' attention span, specifically because of the high amount of potential distractors on the web;
thus
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, the
students
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' capacity for retaining information is vastly diminished.
Furthermore
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, it's crucial for the infants and high-schoolers to actively engage their brain processes by interacting with teachers and receiving personal feedback provided by a human they respect as the class authority.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, the expertise provided by teachers who have built their entire careers in a specific field is more important than the knowledge that an online tool could possibly provide. The schooling system is increasing the usage of online tools to help the
teacher's
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teachers'
show examples
 didactical strategies.
However
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, a class material solely based on online elements may deteriorate the
learners
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learner's
show examples
 ability to comprehend the real life phenomenons that the expertise of a teacher could provide, as they have experienced the actual state of the studied subject and contrasted it with theory.
For instance
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, political science professors could provide real examples about the stakeholder cooperation in specific institutions,
instead
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 of just assimilating what the theory provides, thereby, the class material is richer and more complex than the online-based means. Despite
this
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 observation, I believe that using computer-based supplies is key for the support of professors' pedagogical elements, but concretely , if it's used as a complement and not as the entire tutoring system.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the idea of computers overtaking teachers as a primary source of learning. The
students
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' human feedback and constant communication are non-negotiable resources for learning , and the specific expertise provided by an actual professor encourages the complex understanding of real life phenomenons for their pupils.

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task response
State your view more directly in the first paragraph. For example: “I strongly disagree because teachers give human support and expert guidance.” This makes your main answer clear at once.
task response
Develop each main point with one clear chain: point, why it matters, and result. Some ideas are strong, but a few sentences are too long and make the key point less clear.
task response
Your example about political science is useful. Make it more direct by showing exactly what a teacher can do that a computer cannot, such as answer questions about a real case or change the lesson for the class.
task response
Use words that fit the question. “Teachers” is better than “professors” because the topic includes all school levels. Also, “students” is clearer than changing between “undergraduates,” “infants,” and “high-schoolers.”
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but begin each body paragraph with a shorter topic sentence that clearly gives its main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First,” “Also,” “For example,” and “As a result.” Do not use too many long linking phrases in one sentence, as this can make the flow hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “crucial,” “provide,” and “online” too often. Use simple changes such as “important,” “give,” “digital tools,” or “computer lessons.”
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence breaks and small form errors. For example, write “learners’ ability,” “real-life events,” and remove spaces before commas. Clear punctuation will make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep the same view throughout: computers can help learning, but they should not take the place of teachers.
task response
Your two main reasons are relevant: teachers give personal support, and they bring real experience to lessons. The political science example helps support the second reason.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organized with a clear opening, two main paragraphs, and a final paragraph that returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful links between ideas, including “Moreover,” “Furthermore,” “For instance,” and “In conclusion,” which help the reader follow the discussion.
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