IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some people argue that in the future,
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues will become so grave that
life
Use synonyms
 on the
planet
Use synonyms
earth
Use synonyms
 will become impossible. They
furture
Correct your spelling
further
 argue that we need to search for another
planet
Use synonyms
 for our survival. I agree partially with the argument because environmental challenges are real
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they have not reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the irreversible stage. I disagree with the part about the search
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 another
planet
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
environmental damage is a present
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and a real challenge
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 mankind is facing today. There are several factors contributing to it, and almost all are
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human activities. We are destroying the ecosystem of
this
Linking Words
planet
Use synonyms
. There is unchecked cutting of trees
happing
Correct your spelling
happening
 all over the world.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, the water ecosystem is being destroyed by illegal over-fishing. It is the responsibility of governments to
inact
Correct your spelling
enact
 laws and
more
Punctuation problem
, more
show examples
importantly
Add a comma
importantly,
show examples
 implement the laws. We have to start reforestation globally.
Second,
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another closely related issue is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change. If we have to point out a single most important contributor, it would
the
Verb problem
be the
show examples
 carbon emission. Carbon emission has dramatically increased
due to
Linking Words
industrialization
Change the spelling
industrialisation
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, population increase, coal use for electricity, transport and fossil fuels.
This
Linking Words
 climate change is increasing our
Earth
Use synonyms
's temperatures,
as a result
Linking Words
, melting of
glaciars
Correct your spelling
glaciers
,
rising
Correct word choice
and rising
show examples
 of the sea level is happening. All of
this
Linking Words
 is dangerous to the sustainability of
life
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earth
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
life
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 on another
planet
Use synonyms
 is not possible,
according to
Linking Words
 all the available
scientic
Correct your spelling
scientific
 evidence.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it won't be possible in the near future. Because the conditions on the other planets studied so far
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can't sustain
life
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. Their atmosphere, the lack of water, very low or
non existent
Correct your spelling
non-existent
 oxygen would make it impossible for
life
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, our
planet
Use synonyms
Earth
Use synonyms
 is our home, and we need to protect it. Global efforts are needed to stop
the environment
Replace the word
environmental
 damage, and take measures to reverse the already
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 damage.
Life
Use synonyms
 on another
planet
Use synonyms
 is a
fantancy
Correct your spelling
fantasy
,
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 for now.

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task response
Your view is clear: you partly agree, but you do not agree that people must live on another planet. To make this stronger, say more clearly how far you agree and keep this view the same in each main part.
task response
Explain why Earth may still support life if people act now. For example, talk about clean power, tree planting, less waste, and world rules. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Use one or two clear real examples. For instance, you could say that solar and wind power can cut the use of coal, or that tree planting can help bring back land and animal homes.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims such as life on another planet is not possible. It is safer to say that it is not possible for most people at this time, because space work is still very hard and costly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph now has both damage to nature and climate change; these could be two separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links to show the order of your ideas: “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “However”. Avoid starting a new main point with “Second” in the middle of a long paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the cause and result links more clear. For example: “Burning coal and oil puts more carbon into the air. As a result, the Earth gets warmer and sea levels rise.”
coherence and cohesion
Check some word forms and spelling because they can slow the reader down: “environmental”, “further”, “happening”, “Similarly”, “enact”, “glaciers”, “scientific”, “occurred”, and “fantasy”.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear view from the start.
task response
Your points about tree loss, over-fishing, carbon use, and sea-level rise are on topic and help support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly returns to your main idea that Earth is our home and that people should protect it.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the other hand” helps the reader see the change to your view about other planets.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable development
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity loss
  • climate change
  • greenhouse gases
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitable planets
  • space colonization
  • terraforming
  • ethical dilemmas
  • resource allocation
  • technological advancements
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