Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do do you agree?

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Introduction
Many people believe that children are not informed enough about the world of work, and schools should provide an opportunity to work for a short period of time
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along
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, along
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with theoretical subjects.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, developing
such
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an educational system has a lot of benefits for teens.
This
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helps them integrate into the real world of work and understand all the hidden aspects of it.
Also
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, it might reduce their fears about a certain job and offer opportunities to demonstrate their knowledge and skills in practice.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, it is crucial to practice before getting a foot in the door because it will give a clear idea of how to earn money and what skills a person needs to have.
While
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it might challenge teenagers’ expectations about working, it
also
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helps to build their own proficiency in a certain area.
For instance
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, working in catering develops communication and negotiation skills, which are essential for a
further
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career.
Body paragraph 3
It is
also
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important to teach pupils how to apply their knowledge in practice because it prepares them for adulthood and for all key features of working.
Nevertheless
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, teachers should explain all aspects clearly enough to teenagers, as they tend to do tasks the way they are told to.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I strongly agree with the statement, as working assists children in understanding what they want to do in their lives and
demonstrating
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demonstrates
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their ability to cope with hardships along the path. It might be quite challenging at
first,
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but eventually, it will lead to success.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that you agree that all teenagers should do short work experience at school.
task response
Explain why this should be for all teenagers, not only for some. You can also say what kind of work, how long it should last, and how schools can keep it safe.
task response
Develop each main idea with a fuller example. The catering example is useful, but explain how this work would help a student choose a future job.
task response
Avoid ideas that are too wide, such as "all the hidden aspects" or "all key features of working." Use clear, real points instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make the flow better, give each body paragraph one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
The second and third body paragraphs repeat the idea of using school learning in real work. Make one paragraph about knowing jobs and another about learning work skills.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job. For example: "First," "Also," "For example," and "As a result." Do not use "Nevertheless" unless you are showing a real contrast.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences clearer. For example, after saying work can reduce fear, explain that students can see what a job is really like before they choose it.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep the essay focused on work experience for teenagers.
task response
The example of catering is relevant and shows how work can build useful skills.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use several linking words to guide the reader through your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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