IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages or disadvantages for their study?

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Introduction
In the modern era, an increasing number of
students
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 are choosing to take a break from
university
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 to
work
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 or travel.
This
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 trend has become a topic of considerable concern.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of taking time away from education.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, taking a gap from
university
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 helps
students
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 to refresh themselves. Learning is not
fun always
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always fun
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. Sometimes it creates pressure on a
student
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's mind.
As a result
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, they take a break and go for a tour. During the tour,
students
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 explore new cultures, traditions,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 a new way of living
a life
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apply
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. They meet new people
which
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, which
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 makes them more welcoming and adaptable to the situation.
Therefore
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,
students
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 become more confident and
open minded
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open-minded
.
Similerly
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Similarly
, leaving
studies
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 for a certain time and starting
work
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also
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 helps
students
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 reduce financial burden. Because a
student
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 needs
a
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apply
show examples
sufficient
fund
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funds
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 to pursue higher education. If a
student
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 takes
break
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a break
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 from education to
work
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, he/she will earn money to pay the
fees of
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university fees
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university
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.
Along with
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 that
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students
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, students
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 develop professional skills and experience which will lead them to be successful in
future
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their future
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career
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careers
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. During the
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work
Add a comma
work,
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 they develop communication and networking skills, and secure
desirable
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a desirable
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 job for
future
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the future
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, taking
break
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a break
show examples
 from the
studies
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destroy
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destroys
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 their focus. Their mindset becomes more
money oriented
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money-oriented
.
As a result
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, it becomes hard when they want to rejoin the
university
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. It is difficult to regain the
scatterd
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scattered
 concentration as a
student
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. In
the
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apply
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most cases, they never
restrat
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restart
 their classes. If the year gap is not used productively, it can collapse an individual's life.
Consequently
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, a society suffers
due to
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 the irresponsible steps taken by a
student
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. So a
student
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 needs to use the gap mindfully.
Conclusion
In conclusion, taking
break
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a break
show examples
 from
studies
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 to
work
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 or travel has advantages and disadvantages
both
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apply
show examples
.
Although
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 it can help
students
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 reduce
monotony
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the monotony
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 of studying and gain practical life experience, it
also
Linking Words
 delays their graduation and makes it more difficult to return to their
studies
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.

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task response
Answer the full question more directly. You discuss good and bad points, but link each point more clearly to study, such as study skills, grades, course choice, and going back to class.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and a real or likely example. For example, say how work can help a student save for fees and then focus more on university work.
task response
Some claims are too broad. Avoid saying that a gap year can collapse a person’s life or harm all of society. Explain the risk in a more careful way: some students may lose study habits and may not return.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make one main point per paragraph clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Do not start too many sentences with 'As a result', 'Therefore', or 'Consequently'. Show the link by explaining the idea as well.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences smoother. For example, after travel, explain how being more open and confident may help students take part in class or work well with others at university.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. Start the work point with a sentence like: 'Working before university can also help students pay for their education and learn useful work skills.'
task response
You cover both travel and work, and you give both good and bad effects. This makes your answer relevant to the question.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand: travel can help students grow, work can help with money and skills, and a long break can make study harder.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion gives a balanced final view.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well. The move from good points to bad points is clear with 'On the other hand.'
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • time management
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving abilities
  • horizons
  • creativity
  • adaptability
  • gap year
  • academic rigor
  • financial constraints
  • long-term educational goals
  • academic pursuits
  • academic ambitions
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