IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The environmental problems are rising day by day and some people believe that it is the government's responsiblity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
With the increasing number of environmental issues, it is often argued that addressing them is the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 of
governments
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
governments
Use synonyms
 can have a significant impact on these problems, I believe that protecting the environment is a shared
responsibility
Use synonyms
 between the state and
individuals
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
governments
Use synonyms
 have various tools that can help address environmental issues. They have the financial resources to invest in projects that benefit the ecosystem,
such
Linking Words
 as afforestation programmes.
In addition
Linking Words
, they have the authority to introduce laws that reduce harmful emissions by,
for example
Linking Words
, increasing fuel prices or imposing penalties on offenders.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Saudi government implements the Wildlife Protection Law, which sets penalties for activities that harm wildlife,
such
Linking Words
 as overhunting and deforestation.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 can make a significant contribution to protecting the environment through financial investment and legislation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 take
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for protecting the planet. People contribute to environmental problems through their daily activities, so changing some of their habits can complement government efforts and have a significant impact.
For example
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 can reduce their use of plastic by choosing environmentally friendly alternatives,
such
Linking Words
 as paper straws and reusable shopping bags. They can
also
Linking Words
 sort their waste and place it in the appropriate recycling bins, which can reduce the amount of rubbish that ends up harming marine life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people can limit their use of private cars by using public transport, thereby reducing harmful emissions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that addressing environmental problems is a shared
responsibility
Use synonyms
 between
governments
Use synonyms
 and
individuals
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 authorities have the power and resources to make large-scale changes, individual actions are equally important in protecting the environment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear from the start: this is a shared duty. To make it even stronger, say more clearly why one side cannot solve the problem alone. For example, laws work best only when people follow them in daily life.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and well explained. Add one short, real result after each example. For example, say how less car use can make city air cleaner.
task response
The Saudi law example is useful, but explain its result in more detail. Show how such a law can stop harm, not only that it has penalties.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, government side, people side, and ending. Keep this clear order in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words are used well. You can make the flow even smoother by linking the two body parts more directly. For example: "However, state action is not enough without public help."
coherence and cohesion
Most body points are well built: main idea, reason, and example. In the people part, group the examples under one main point more closely so the paragraph feels less like a list.
task response
You answer the full question and keep the same clear view throughout: both the state and people must act.
task response
You use useful and relevant examples, such as tree planting, laws, less plastic use, recycling, and public transport.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear purpose, and the ending restates your main view without adding a new idea.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "On the one hand", "On the other hand", "For instance", and "Furthermore" help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: