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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
In these modern times, most of the children spend their time on their electronic gadgets
due to
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 having
an
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apply
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addictive features and nature, rather than
Body paragraph 1
spending time on activities that can contribute to their
development
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.
This
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 essay takes a balanced stance that smart devices can have either positive or negative
effects
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Body paragraph 2
on a young person.
Body paragraph 3
Smart gadgets like smartphones and electronic devices can contribute positively to a child's psychological
development
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 during adolescence. Online mind-challenging games can contribute to thinking more creatively and analytically to solve complex real-world problems.
For example
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, in games like chess or crossword puzzles, it takes patience and strategy throughout the game.
Secondly
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, usage of mobile devices can enhance
,
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 communication and critical thinking skills through online social media debates on trending topics.
For example
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 , many teenagers are awaiting the anticipated release of block buster game, GTA 6
which
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, which
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 has led to
rise
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a rise
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 in conspiracy theories around the game.
Analyzing
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Analysing
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 all
information
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,
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 and
then
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 presenting the right
information
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 takes
a
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special skills.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
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, smart electronics can have negative
effects
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 on
brain
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development
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 ,as they can hinder social skills for personal growth . Most young pupils will have an inability to socialise or interact,
due to
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 a lack of exposure to face-to-face meetings, which can adversely affect their personality and their place in the world.
Furthermore
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 ,young pupils may be exposed to adult content and
information
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 at an early age, which may cause harm to their
brain
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 activity and may prevent them
not function
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from functioning
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 properly in the real world.
In addition
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 ,exposing young people to
such
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 explicit visual
information
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 will make them have unrealistic expectation from opposite gender, resulting in unhealthy relationships, and would objectify them
instead
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, daily usage of smartphones by children can have heavy negative
effects
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 on
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brain
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the brain
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development
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 of pupils,
whereas
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 there are some positive developments in the children's
brain
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 functionality with the usage of mobile phones. In my view, it is better to contribute
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development
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to development
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 through other activities
,
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 than to be exposed to negative side
effects
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 at an early age.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Give clear reasons why children use phones for hours, such as games, social media, easy access, and parents being busy. Your first paragraph talks more about effects than reasons.
task response
Keep one clear view from the start. You say the essay is balanced, but your end says the change is mainly bad. State that view in the introduction and make each main paragraph support it.
task response
Develop examples more fully. Chess and puzzles are useful examples, but explain how phone use helps a child in daily life. The GTA 6 example is less strong because it does not clearly show better communication or critical thinking.
task response
Avoid very broad claims about brain growth and adult content unless you explain them carefully. Say what may happen, why it may happen, and how it affects children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the first body paragraph focus only on benefits and the second only on harms.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “One reason is...”, “Another reason is...”, “However...”, and “As a result...”. This will help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. Some sentences now move too quickly from social media debates to a game release.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion shorter and clearer. Repeat your main view and the two main reasons, without adding new ideas about brain function.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of phone use, and you give a clear final view that the bad side is stronger.
task response
You use examples, such as chess and crossword puzzles, to support the idea that some phone activities can help thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help show the change between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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