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Writing Samples
Band 4

in some countries, young people have become richer, healthier anf live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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Introduction
The topic above shows a new
situation
Use synonyms
 and how to correctly adjust it
Body paragraph 1
young people tend to be less happy or sometimes depressed , i do believe it can be the feeling of lonleyness , rich people afre often outside alot
such
Linking Words
 as , their father figure he could be always outside the house , working , travelling or night out with his friends , and logically it affects that
child
Use synonyms
 , that would make the
child
Use synonyms
 feel less wanted , the mother
also
Linking Words
 plays a big role in
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
 as well , when the mother is not there to comfort the kid it could be her fault for sure
Body paragraph 2
the causes for
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
 are both parents the father and the mother , the right way to fix it is by spending more time with the
child
Use synonyms
 ,
such
Linking Words
 as family time , dinner out all together , less time working in order to help the
child
Use synonyms
 emotionlly , whats so ever words of ressuerance plays a big roll , that can help the
child
Use synonyms
 to feel better about themselves and help them to gain the confidence they lost
Conclusion
Genuinelly i think all of my reasons are accurate , and
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 said how to carefully and correctly adjust
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
 and how to handle the
Use synonyms
child
Check wording
child's
show examples
 emotional distress

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Give causes of low happiness, then give ways to help. You mainly talk about parents, but add other causes, such as school stress, phone use, and lack of close friends.
task response
Explain why each cause makes young people unhappy. For example, say that long work hours can mean less family time, so a child may feel alone.
task response
Make your ideas more complete. The question is about young people in some countries, not only children with rich parents. Include young adults and their daily life too.
task response
Give one clear example for each main idea. Keep examples general and linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, causes, ways to help, and conclusion. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one main idea. Then explain it and give an example. Do not put many ideas in one very long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words: First, Also, For example, Because of this, However, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Write full sentences and use capital letters at the start of sentences. Check spelling of key words, such as loneliness, emotionally, reassurance, and role.
task response
You give a clear cause: young people may feel alone when parents are away a lot.
task response
You offer useful ways to help, such as family time, eating together, and kind words.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic order: you talk about causes first and then ways to help.
coherence and cohesion
You try to explain the link between less time at home and a child feeling less wanted.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • societal expectations
  • mental well-being
  • social isolation
  • work-life balance
  • mental health support systems
  • digital detox
  • anxiety and discontentment
  • prevalence of technology
  • face-to-face interaction
  • pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle
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