IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

•It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is beer in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some people think it is better to live in a
city
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 some of them believe that life is better in the
countryside
Use synonyms
. Living in the
city
Use synonyms
 can be easy access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everything
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 Living
countryside
Use synonyms
 is more peaceful than urban areas.
Rest
Correct article usage
The rest
show examples
 of the
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
show examples
 I’m going to discuss both views.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, people like to have easy access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everything.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example, they are
like
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
 to buy houses or apartments near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the train station, school, and shopping centre.
This
Linking Words
 will save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time and effort. Another factor is the facilities
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will make they are life easy. Normally,
city
Use synonyms
 houses and apartments
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 water, electricity, and gas lines.
This
Linking Words
 will help them to do
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
 without any stress.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, some of the people thinks live in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is more peaceful
rather
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in the
city
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, always
countryside
Use synonyms
 houses have more land
this
Linking Words
 means you will not hear
many
Correct determiner usage
much
show examples
 noise from
humans
Correct word choice
human
show examples
 activities.
Peaceful
Correct article usage
A peaceful
show examples
 environment is much need part of their life.
Also
Linking Words
living
Punctuation problem
, living
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 you to generate more
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 with nature.
This
Linking Words
 will help your mental stress
too
Punctuation problem
, too
show examples
. Another
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 is big land
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will encourage you to do farming. It will reduce
money
Check wording
apply
show examples
spending on
foods
Check wording
food
show examples
 too,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 you can earn extra money from selling extra
vegetable
Check wording
vegetables
show examples
 or fruits.
Conclusion
In the
conclusion
Punctuation problem
conclusion,
show examples
 when I compared both scenario more than easy access I like to have mental peace. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I’m going to select living in
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
much
Change preposition
as much
show examples
 better than living in the
city
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both city life and country life, and you give your own view. This answers all parts of the question. Make your own view clearer in the first paragraph as well as in the last paragraph.
task response
Give a little more detail for each main point. For example, explain how being near a train station helps people get to work, and explain why time in nature can help people feel calm.
task response
Some examples are general. Add one clear real-life example, such as a worker who can walk to a station or a family who grows food in a large garden.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: city life first, country life next, then your view. Keep this order in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Write a clearer opening. Do not say, “Rest of the essay I’m going to discuss both views.” Instead, state the two views and say that you will give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give reasons and an example. This will make the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “Firstly”, “However”, and “Also”, which is good. Add links such as “For this reason”, “In addition”, and “As a result” only when they show a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph shorter and clearer. State your choice, then give the main reason: peace and less stress are more important to you than easy access.
task response
You cover both sides of the topic: easy access and services in cities, and peace, nature, and land in the countryside.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you prefer the countryside because mental peace is important to you.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph stays mostly on one side of the discussion, so the main shape of the essay is easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and basic linking words to guide the reader through the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job opportunities
  • career prospects
  • public transport system
  • access to essential services
  • higher cost of living
  • traffic congestion
  • air and noise pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • a wide range of facilities
  • peaceful surroundings
  • cleaner environment
  • strong sense of community
  • close-knit community
  • slower pace of life
  • limited employment options
  • long-distance travel
  • work-life balance
  • quality of life
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