IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
While
Linking Words
 modern technology is continuously developing, there is a
controverse
Check wording
controversy
show examples
 on scientific animal experimentation. Some people argue that many significant discoveries came from animal experiments,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 are convinced that they should be forbidden. From my point of view, I strongly believe that scientific experiments on
animals
Use synonyms
 are mandatory and justified before applying to
humans
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One major interest of the scientific studies on
animals
Use synonyms
 is the possibility
to try
Change preposition
of trying
show examples
 out a new method or
product
Use synonyms
 on different species of
animals
Use synonyms
 without risking human health. These experiments are very useful because the data obtained on tolerance and efficiency are preliminary results
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that could be extrapolated to
humans
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if an adverse effect is observed, it warns the study investigator about some precautions to mention when using the evaluated
product
Use synonyms
 in
humans
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in specific conditions, the
product
Use synonyms
's development might even be stopped in case
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
major risks of negative effects are described.
Body paragraph 2
It seems difficult to find alternatives to animal experimentation. Indeed, if we do not have the capacity to conduct a study on
animal
Correct article usage
an animal
show examples
, it is very complicated to obtain information on a natural living organism. Even if it might be possible to
modelized
Wrong verb form
modelize
show examples
 in computer chemical reactions, it will not be enough representative of the effects in the human body with its metabolism. So, in the actual state of the sciences, finding any alternatives remains interesting but very challenging.
Conclusion
To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
, animal experimentations are debated but absolutely justified before using the evaluated
product
Use synonyms
 on
humans
Use synonyms
. The quality of the information obtained is crucial to make the best decision for human health
despite
Punctuation problem
, despite
show examples
 potentially having adverse effects on the
animals
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
You answer both main questions. Your view is clear: animal tests can be used before tests on people. However, explain more clearly when such tests are right. For example, say they should be used only when the need is very strong and animal pain is kept as low as possible.
Task response
Add one real and clear example. You could write about new drugs being tested first for safety, or about computer models and cells in a lab. This would make your ideas more full and more convincing.
Task response
Your part about other ways is too short and too final. Name some other ways, such as human cells in a lab, computer models, or small tests with people. Then explain why they cannot yet replace all animal tests.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, reasons for animal tests, other ways, and a short ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother with simple words such as "For example", "As a result", and "On the other hand".
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Split them into two shorter sentences. This will make your meaning clearer, especially in the first body paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in a clear way. For instance, choose "animal testing" or "animal experiments" and use it through the essay. Also, avoid unclear words such as "the evaluated product" when you can say "the new drug" or "the product".
Task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays the same throughout the essay.
Task response
You give a useful reason for animal testing: it can help protect people from harm before a new drug or product is used.
Coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main job, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending restates your main view and brings the essay to a clear close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
What to do next:
Look at other essays: