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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative arts such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (2nd time)

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Introduction
Many individuals believe that the governments should invest more money in creative materials,
such
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 as paintings, sculptures or songs for these talented
artists
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, others claim that
this
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 kind of investment should be optional. From my personal perspective, I strongly agree that funding creative
artists
Use synonyms
 should be an alternative
due to
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 several reasons that will be clarified in
this
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 essay.
Body paragraph 1
Looking at the benefits that financial
support
Use synonyms
 helps imaginative workers.
Firstly
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, more traditional art forms will be saved despite the lack of attraction to audiences or private investors. In fact, when money is invested, low-income artisans no longer worry about the limited budget, which allows them to fully pay attention to their
work
Use synonyms
, and
also
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 helps to get a more well-rounded and sophisticated
work
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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, they could feel more encouraged and sympathetic when they could have social welfare like other national or international workers.
In addition
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, financial
support
Use synonyms
 allows talented
artists
Use synonyms
 from lower backgrounds to improve their skills, not only those from wealthy families.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, there is a huge number of urgent problems in society that need more help,
such
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 as hospitals, schools and transport, and
that is
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 why the government should
Use synonyms
support
Verb problem
provide financial support
show examples
money
Check wording
apply
show examples
to creative workers as an alternative. It is true that people have more
invonvenience
Correct your spelling
inconvenience
 when they live without basic amenities, like using
high-qualified
Correct word choice
high-quality
show examples
 healthcare, education and transportation. With these issues, more and more people may
migrant
Replace the word
migrate
 to another country for a better living, leading to a slight decline when less excellent inhabitants stay in
this
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 kind of nation .
Secondly
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, giving direct state funding may affect artistic freedom if
artists
Use synonyms
 feel pressure to produce
work
Use synonyms
 that matches political views. Creative works need time, efforts and
also
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 a lot of their own imagination. They have to feel free, feel comfortable to produce an
overall
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 personal
work
Use synonyms
, and when they have to match with the society now, with the political views, I think that many artisans will leave and quit
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this job
Fix the agreement mistake
their jobs
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I do agree that creative
artists
Use synonyms
 should be funded
throughoptional
Correct your spelling
through optional
 sources rather than fixed investment.
Nevertheless
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, the government can open art festivals
wtih
Correct your spelling
with
 fees manually as a way to introduce and protect arts and creative pieces to citizens and foreigners in order to gain more investment for essential amenities and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 for talented
artists
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, the first view needs a clearer point: explain why public money is needed for art, then show its results for people and culture.
task response
Your own view is clear, but the phrase “alternative sources” is not fully explained. Name these sources, such as art sales, private groups, ticket money, or public gifts.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. For example, the link between art funding and people leaving a country is not clear. Use ideas that directly answer the question.
task response
Give one short, real-looking example. For instance, a small local art group may keep old music alive when private money is not enough.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: opening, one view, the other view, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part start with one clear main idea. The first body part can focus on saving art and helping poor artists. The second can focus on other public needs and artist freedom.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. Words like “Firstly”, “Besides”, and “In addition” are useful, but some sentences are long. Break long sentences into two or three short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph adds a new idea about art festivals. This idea should appear earlier, or the ending should only repeat your main view and key reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “this kind of nation” and “these issues”. Say exactly what you mean, for example, “the country” or “poor public services”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both sides and clearly state your own view.
task response
You give useful reasons for public support, including saving old art and helping artists from poor homes.
coherence and cohesion
The main order of ideas is clear, and the ending returns to your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and basic linking words to guide the reader through the essay.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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