IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The first table illustrates changes in the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New York
City
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 from 1800 to 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the second and third tables demonstrate the trend of the
population
Use synonyms
 of
Manhattan
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 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 four districts over the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New York
City
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 surged during the period. More than 3 billion citizens
born
Verb problem
were born
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 and moved to the
city
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 from 1800 to 1900,
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in 3.4 billion people living in the
city
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, there were approximately 8 billion people living in the
city
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 in 2000. As for
Manhattan
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's
percentage
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 of total
population
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 in 1800, it accounted for the largest part, which was 76
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percents
Fix the agreement mistake
per cent
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 in 1800,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
population
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 of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 four districts, including Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, and Staten Island
only
Punctuation problem
, only
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 made up 24
Use synonyms
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
per cent
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.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the number of people living in
Manhattan
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 constantly grew until 1900, the
percentage
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 declined since the
population
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 grew faster in other districts. In the next one hundred years,
Manhattan
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’s
percentage
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 declined from 76
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percents
Fix the agreement mistake
per cent
show examples
 to only 19
Use synonyms
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
per cent
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 other
district's
Fix the agreement mistake
districts'
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of total
population
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 constantly grew at a fast pace, and surpassed
Manhattan
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's
percentage
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 of total
population
Use synonyms
 in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, city, manhattan, percentage, percents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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