IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In
nowaday's
Correct your spelling
nowadays
, many
people
Use synonyms
 think
the
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 learning from our
life
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 in the past is not useful and can not change anything,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that our past is
nessecary
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necessary
 to help us
remembering
Wrong verb form
remember
show examples
 some information and understand our
Use synonyms
life's
Check wording
lives
show examples
. I do
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belive
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believe
 that learning from our past
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 can be
benificial fo
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beneficial for
 our present
lifs
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lives
.
Body paragraph 1
Starting with the first group of
people
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 who
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belive
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believe
 that our history can affect our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in a positive way. They
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that if we make
mistakes
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 in the past, it may be a reason to fix
this
Linking Words
 issue in today's
life
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.
In other words
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, our
mistakes
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 can be a
leason
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lesson
 to us.
This
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 leads
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 not repeating
this
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 problem again and avoiding any other
fimiliar
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familiar
 issues.
For example
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, when
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 was a child,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 used to lie to my
perants
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parents
 all the time,
then
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 they
catch
Wrong verb form
caught
show examples
 me one day and
tough
Use the right word
taught
show examples
 me that
laying
Wrong verb form
lying
show examples
 is
such
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 a bad habit. From
this
Linking Words
 day i learned that to be honest is to be brave.
Furthermore
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,
lerning leasons
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learning lessons
 from our past is
such
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 a good way to learn new
informations
Check wording
information
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Moving to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 group of
people
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 who believe that our past cannot help us learn anything
Punctuation problem
. These
show examples
This
Linking Words
 humans
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belive
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believe
 that
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 can not make you sucsseful person in your present
life
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, learning from your history can not make you develop and improve
your self
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yourself
.
For instance
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, my sister
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to have issues with understanding Inglish language; in today's
life
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 , she
did
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 not improved her grammar, vocabulary,
speeking
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speaking
 skills because she did not learn from her
mistakes
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.
In
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is clear that
people
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 who
dont
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don't
 learn from
mistakes
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 in the past can not improve in thier
life
Use synonyms
's.
Conclusion
To wrap up, after discuss bouth view,
i
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I believe
belive
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 that learning from our past
life
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 is useful and
benificial
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beneficial
 to ourselves.
Peoplw
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People
 should learn from
thier
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their
mistakes
Use synonyms
 to
imrove
Correct your spelling
improve
 in thier
life
Use synonyms
's.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, which is good. However, the first body part does not clearly show why some people think the past is useful. State this idea more clearly at the start of the paragraph.
task response
The second side is not fully clear. You say the past cannot help people, but your example shows that your sister did not learn from her past mistakes. This actually supports the other side. Give a real reason why past events may not help now, such as life changes and old answers may not fit new problems.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and one example. Explain how the example proves the point, not only what happened.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the topic sentence of each body part match the view you are going to discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the change between the two views: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “However”. Do not use “Moving to next group” because it sounds less natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the words do not connect well. For example, change “This leads for not repeating this problem” to “This helps us not repeat the same problem.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “past life” and “today’s life”. Use simple words such as “the past”, “today”, “our lives”, and “our future”.
task response
You give a clear personal view in the opening and repeat it in the ending.
task response
You use personal examples, such as the story about lying to your parents. This makes your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an opening, two main parts, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use link words such as “For example”, “In other words”, and “Furthermore” to join your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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