IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There is no denying that history offers us valuable
knowledge
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aand expeience
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and experience
.
However
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, nowadays, some people believe that the
information
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releted
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related
 to the past has no
contrubution
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contribution
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life,
while
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 others think that the past plays a significant role in the present life.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion, supported by relevant examples.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, today our concern is related to climate change, technology and modern science. Because it has a great influence on an individual's
life-style
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lifestyle
,
health
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 and
behaiviour
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behaviour
.
For example
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, people are using AI in the professional field rather than using their
brain
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brains
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.
Moreover
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, high dependency on technology is responsible for
health
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 issues. An increasing screen time is causing obesity, weak eye-sight and depression.
As a result
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, in recent years we
are
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have been
show examples
 fighting to solve the problem
regarding
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in the
show examples
 present
days
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day
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. So, the past
information
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 is not relevant to the current situation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, history is a great source of
knowledge
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 and
expericence
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experience
. Because
,
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apply
show examples
 our past is the base of our present challenges. If we want to solve our challenges, we need to study the root.
For instance
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, universities
has
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have
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 done a wide range of research and studies on mental
health
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 and
happines
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happiness
.
As a result
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, past studies can give us a clear view
to
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of how to
show examples
 deal with present issues related to mental
health
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.
In addition
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, to see the bigger picture about climate change, we can study the weather
pattern
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patterns
show examples
 of the past.
Therefore
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, past
information
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 could be used as an important
lessons
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lesson
show examples
 for solving the present problem.
Conclusion
In conclusion, history is the gateway to
gather
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gathering
show examples
knowledge
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.
Although
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 some people deny the importance of
information
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 regarding
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
, others consider
the
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 a source of valuable
knowledge
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.
Overall
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, it would be the best choice to learn from the past and apply the lessons
according to
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modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 era.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Make your first side more fair: explain why some people think old facts may not help with new AI, health, or climate problems.
task response
Your main view is clear, but add one more clear reason why history helps today. For example, past wars, past disease, or past weather data can help people make better plans now.
task response
Some examples are too wide. Explain each one in more detail. Say how old weather records help experts see long-term climate change, or how past mental health work helps doctors today.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. Keep this order, but make the link from technology to the claim about history clearer.
coherence and cohesion
In the first main paragraph, the ideas about AI, screen time, and health do not directly show that history is not useful. Add a sentence that clearly connects these modern problems to that view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Because” should not begin a full new sentence after a main claim. Join the ideas: “This is because climate change, technology, and science affect daily life.”
coherence and cohesion
Make key words steady. Use “the past”, “history”, and “past information” in a clear way, so the reader can follow your main idea easily.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show both views and state that people should learn from the past.
task response
The climate example is useful because it shows a real way that past data can help with a problem today.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will do, and the conclusion gives a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are separated well, and words such as “For example”, “Moreover”, and “On the other hand” help show the flow of ideas.
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