IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

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Introduction
It is thought that encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to become self-reliant and make their own choices from an early
age
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 is crucial. I partly agree with
this
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 statement.
Although
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 taking responsibility at a young
age
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 can teach
children
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 valuable lessons, I believe that the extent to which they should make their own
decisions
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 depends on the situation and the nature of the decision.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, taking accountability from an early
age
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 can have a significant impact on a child's personality. It allows
children
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 to practise making
decisions
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, which can gradually build their confidence and help them make better judgments as they grow older.
In addition
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 to taking responsibility for the effects of their actions.
Moreover
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, they can learn from their mistakes and become more capable of evaluating different options.
For example
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, many successful musicians,
such
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 as Taylor Swift, began pursuing their interests at a young
age
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 and eventually contributed to their successful careers.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are certain judgments that should be made by adults or with adult guidance, particularly those that could have serious outcomes for themselves or other people.
This
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 is because young
children
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 have not yet developed a full sense of responsibility and may not be able to fully understand the potential consequences of their choices.
For instance
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, offspring should not be allowed to decide whether they want to receive medical treatment or take prescribed medication when they are sick, as
such
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decisions
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 could negatively affect their health.
However
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, they should be given more freedom when making less serious personal choices,
such
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 as choosing which books to read or which hobbies to pursue.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
children
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 should be encouraged to make certain
decisions
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 for themselves, as
this
Linking Words
 can help shape their personalities and develop their independence.
However
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,
decisions
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 that may have serious consequences should be made by responsible adults to protect them from negative outcomes.

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task response
Your view is clear: children should make some choices, but adults should guide choices with big risks. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly where the line is between small and big choices. You can give one more short example, such as money, school work, or time online.
task response
The music example is not the best fit. Starting music young does not fully show a child making an important choice alone. Use an example that directly shows a child choosing, acting, and learning from the result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan. Each main part has one main idea and a useful example.
coherence and cohesion
There is one broken sentence in the first main part: “In addition to taking responsibility for the effects of their actions.” Join it to the next sentence or remove it. This will make the ideas flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Moreover” comes after an incomplete sentence, so the link is not clear. You could write: “They also learn to take responsibility for the effects of their actions. As a result, they can learn from mistakes...”
coherence and cohesion
Some words are less natural here. Use “children” instead of “offspring,” and use “decisions” rather than “judgments” when you mean choices. These changes will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and keep the same balanced view from the first paragraph to the end.
task response
The medical treatment example is clear, real, and closely linked to your point about adult guidance.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly repeats your main view and brings both sides of the essay together.
coherence and cohesion
Your main paragraphs are in a logical order: first the good side of independence, then the need for adult care.
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