IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that old buildings should be knocked down and give way to modern facilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years,many
counteries
Correct your spelling
countries
 have been
devoleped
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developing buildings
buldings
Use synonyms
 .Some
people
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 believe that old
Use synonyms
buldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 should be knocked down and give way to
Use synonyms
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 facilities,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that they should not
knocked
Wrong verb form
knock
show examples
 down old
bulding
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buildings
 because
it is
Fix the agreement mistake
they are
show examples
 related to history.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I
frimly
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe that
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
bulding
Correct your spelling
building
 should be knocked down to replace it with a new
bulding
Correct your spelling
building
.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate for
renovate
Wrong verb form
renovating
show examples
 old
Use synonyms
buldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 argue that the
country
Use synonyms
 should be improved.
For instance
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,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 a
country
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 has
Use synonyms
modren bulding
Correct your spelling
modern buildings
,many
people
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 will
vist
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visit
 it
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In
turn
Punctuation problem
turn,
show examples
of that
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the econamy for the
country
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 will increase.
In addition
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,many
people
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 intrested to
modren
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 bulding which give them a magnificent experience.
Moreover
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,
Use synonyms
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 facilities are
essenical
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essential
 for old
people
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 because it is comfortable.
For instance
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,if
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 old man
want
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wants
show examples
 to go shopping,it is easy for him to use
elevator
Correct article usage
the elevator
show examples
,which cannot
find it
Wrong verb form
be found
show examples
 in the old
bulding
Correct your spelling
building
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who believe that old
Use synonyms
buldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 should be preserved argue that they are important because they represent the history and culture og the
country
Use synonyms
.For
instence
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instance
,many old
Use synonyms
buldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 attract tourists because of their unique designs and historical value.
In addition
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,preserving these
Use synonyms
buldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 helps
people
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remmember
Correct your spelling
remember
 their heritage.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that old
Use synonyms
buldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 should be
koncked
Correct your spelling
knocked
 down and give way to
Use synonyms
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 facilities.The reasons outlined above clearly
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
show examples
 that it is important for the
country
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clearer answer from the start. You say old buildings should be knocked down, but your first main paragraph seems to support keeping and improving old buildings. Make each paragraph match your view.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. For example, say why new buildings help a country, who will use them, and why this is more important than keeping old places.
task response
Use more real and direct examples. The example about an elevator is useful, but explain that old buildings can often be made safe and easy to use too.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims. Instead of saying all old buildings should be knocked down, you could say unsafe or unused old buildings may be replaced, while important old buildings should be kept.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Keep this shape, but make the first body paragraph clear: is it about new buildings or about fixing old ones?
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “New facilities can improve daily life and help the economy.” Then give reasons and one example that support this sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more natural way. Do not use “For instance” many times. You can also use “This means that”, “As a result”, and “However”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match the body paragraphs. Restate your main view and give the two strongest reasons in one or two clear sentences.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
task response
You include useful ideas about tourism, money, history, culture, and access for old people.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion gives a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and basic link words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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