IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for travellers?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, more
people
Use synonyms
 are travelling around the world than ever before. Why is the case? What are the benefits of travelling for travellers? I believe
this
Linking Words
 is mainly because of cheaper transport and higher incomes,
while
Linking Words
 travelling offers both relaxation and educational benefits.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason why
people
Use synonyms
 are travelling is the development of transportation. Air
travel
Use synonyms
 has become faster, more convenient, and relatively affordable for the community, which allows them to visit foreign countries more easily. Another important factor is that, increases in
people
Use synonyms
’s income. As many
people
Use synonyms
 have enough money for their basic needs, they can spend their salary on exploring the world, visiting different cultures and learning their languages on their holidays.
For instance
Linking Words
, families can save money for several months and
then
Linking Words
 spend it to
travel
Use synonyms
 during the holidays.
Body paragraph 2
Another major benefit of travelling is that it can improve
their
Fix the agreement mistake
one's
show examples
 knowledge and mental well-being. Travelling allows
people
Use synonyms
 to reduce stress after a full work year and take a break from their daily routine so they can spend quality time with their parents, friends, or kids.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can relax and return to their daily work full of energy.
In addition
Linking Words
,
travel
Use synonyms
 may broaden their horizons,
while
Linking Words
 exploring new cultures, learning some skills, and
lifestyle
Verb problem
changing their lifestyle
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 may help them to understand other
people
Use synonyms
 and help them when they need, and do not wait for something in the back for their support.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in Sweden are very kind to each other and
also
Linking Words
 to tourists
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they appreciate them very well and can help tourists if they have some questions for free, but
this
Linking Words
 kind of facility,
such
Linking Words
 as helping tourists
travel
Use synonyms
 around the country and hiring a local guide, can be expensive.
Conclusion
In conclusion, travelling has many benefits for
people
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
people
Use synonyms
 can relax from their work and return with a fresh brain.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 travelling has become more popular
due to
Linking Words
 cheaper transportation and higher incomes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both questions in full. The reasons are clear: cheap travel and more money. The benefits are also clear: rest and learning. Add more clear detail about how each point helps travellers.
task response
Keep your ideas focused. In the last part of body two, the point about people in Sweden and local guides is hard to follow. It does not clearly show a benefit of travel. Use one simple example that directly supports your main idea.
task response
Make your conclusion match your main answer. Say again that travel is more common because it costs less and people have more money, and that it gives rest and new knowledge.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: an opening, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of ideas: “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand because the words do not link well. For example, change “Another important factor is that, increases in people’s income” to “Another important factor is that people have higher incomes.”
coherence and cohesion
Use the same word choice through the essay. For example, use “travellers” or “people who travel” instead of changing between “people”, “community”, and “tourists” when you mean the same group.
task response
You give a clear main answer in the opening: cheaper transport and higher incomes make travel more common, and travel gives rest and learning.
task response
The point about taking a break from daily work clearly explains how travel can help mental health.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, and the opening and ending are easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful link words such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “In addition” to connect ideas.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: