IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Employees should not work in jobs they don’t enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that having a
job
Use synonyms
 is crucial for seeking
livelihood
Correct article usage
a livelihood
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that people should not stay in a
job
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 where they do not enjoy what they are doing, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that it is not necessary for employees to enjoy what they do, they need to be professional in their jobs only.
To begin
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 with, employees should focus on increasing their experiences rather than enjoying their jobs.
In other words
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, the main goal for the individuals should be to gain more experience and leverage their skills to have much better opportunities.
In addition
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, people usually are keen on having higher salaries which would make them satisfied with their jobs' rewards.
For example
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, senior employees, who have more experience, usually, they would be satisfied because they enjoy their level of convenient living. Another point to consider, working in a healthy environment is significantly important because
this
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 would impact the quality of your work. It is
also
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 possible to say that, it is more essential to pursue having a balanced healthy work environment than seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
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enjoyment.
Moreover
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, there are many other factors that may affect the quality of your
job
Use synonyms
 and impact you to enjoy what you are doing.
For instance
Linking Words
, friendly lovely colleagues, supportive managers, and appreciation, all of these factors would affect you psychologically to enjoy or hate your
job
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that there are many factors that could impact your business life, which would encourage you to stay or leave, and enjoyment is not everything.

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, make sure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Provide a more balanced viewpoint by discussing both sides of the argument in depth and how they relate to the essay question. To strengthen your argument, ensure every paragraph directly contributes to your overall response to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, organizing your ideas clearly and logically is crucial. While you have a recognizable structure with an introduction and conclusion, work on linking paragraphs more effectively with a variety of transitional phrases. Also, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader, followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea.
Supported Main Points
To build better-supported main points, include more detailed, relevant examples from real life or hypothetical situations to illustrate your arguments. This not only strengthens your points but also makes your essay more persuasive and engaging to the reader. Make sure each example directly supports the main point of the paragraph and ties back to the overall thesis of your essay.
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