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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think watching television is a good way to relax. Others prefer other activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, some individuals think watching
television
Use synonyms
 is a good way to relax. Others prefer other activities. I believe that doing other activities,
such
Linking Words
 as walking and talking with friends, will help change my mood and reduce tension because many
people
Use synonyms
 need physical activity and real-life interaction.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 think watching
television
Use synonyms
 can increase dopamine and boost adrenaline levels.
For example
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, during a stressful workday in the office, watching
television
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as comedy or fantasy will help decrease anxiety and overthinking.
Therefore
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, we should set up a timetable for watching
television
Use synonyms
 to improve absorption and comprehension.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think doing other activities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as roaming and face-to-face
chat
Punctuation problem
chat,
show examples
 will make their life easier.
In other words
Linking Words
, walking can create good opportunities to meet new
people
Use synonyms
 and build relationships you can rely on at any time.
For instance
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, going to a mall or market can create new chances to talk with
people
Use synonyms
 and build relationships you can rely on in a crisis,
such
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 as needing a loan or advice.
As a result
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, it builds a strong bond within society, which helps you stay calm in difficult situations.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both approaches should be used, depending on your personality, to minimise time spent.
Therefore
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, from my point of view, we need to ask a specialist for advice and arrange my timetable
accordingly
Linking Words
.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, which answers the full question. Make your own view more clear in the last paragraph. Say why you think other activities are better than TV, rather than saying both ways should be used.
task response
Some ideas need more support. The point about TV raising dopamine and adrenaline is not well explained, and it does not clearly show why TV helps people rest. Use a simple reason, such as: TV can take people's minds off work for a short time.
task response
Keep examples close to the main point. The example about meeting people in a mall and getting a loan is too far from the idea of relaxing. Choose an example that shows how walking or talking helps people feel calm.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. This helps the reader follow your work.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas more natural. The sentence about making a timetable for TV does not follow from the point about stress. Replace it with a sentence that explains how short, planned TV time can help people rest.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key ideas. You write 'roaming', 'walking', and 'going to a mall'. It would be clearer to use 'walking' or 'going for a walk' throughout.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending has unclear parts, such as 'depending on your personality, to minimise time spent' and 'arrange my timetable'. State one final view in a direct way and use 'their timetable' or 'our timetable', not 'my timetable'.
task response
You cover TV and other activities, and you give examples for both sides.
task response
Your main view is easy to find in the opening: walking and talking with friends can help change a person's mood and lower stress.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph signals, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs begin with a main idea and then try to explain it with an example.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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