IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that historical sites should be completely closed tothe public.Others,however,believe that it is important for the public tovisit these sites. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
In the modern era, the topic of cultural conservation has sparked considerable debate, with persuasive arguments on both sides. Some people hold the notion that historical
relics
Use synonyms
 should be fully opened to everyone,
whereas
Linking Words
 others do not, maintaining that it is essential to protect these
sites
Use synonyms
, so these
sites
Use synonyms
 ought to be closed to the public. After weighing these viewpoints, I am more inclined to support the former.
Body paragraph 1
My position is well-grounded, and it is backed by strong evidence indicating that historical
sites
Use synonyms
 have significant educational value. The view is
further
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 strengthened by the common belief that
compared
Punctuation problem
, compared
show examples
 to browsing these historical
sites
Use synonyms
 online, visiting historical
sites
Use synonyms
 offline is more vivid and interesting.
For instance
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, relevant research repeatedly suggests that the public will enter a state of immersion when they visit these old items
, visitors
Punctuation problem
. Visitors
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 can learn some vital knowledge about how wonderful the
sites
Use synonyms
 are and how to protect them as much as possible.
Body paragraph 2
By contrast
Linking Words
, opponents claim that these precious historical
sites
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 are so fragile
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because these ancient
relics
Use synonyms
 cannot withstand prolonged exposure to the air.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some critics think managers cannot avoid illegal contact
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 visitors.
However
Linking Words
, closer scrutiny suggests that
this
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 line of reasoning is not entirely convincing, especially given that with the development of technology, we have more available ways to protect these
relics
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.
This
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 weakness stems from the fact that many museums have used oxygen isolation devices to protect
oxidation
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against oxidation
show examples
 and contact.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, after considering both perspectives, I am convinced that governments should open these historical
relics
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 to the public, as the advantages far outweigh the potential drawbacks.

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain clearly why some people want sites closed, such as damage from too many visitors, touch, heat, and waste. Then explain why others want visits, such as learning, shared history, and local jobs.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start and keep it the same. Your view is that sites should be open, but you should also say that visits need strong rules, not that every site should be open in every way.
task response
Use one real or clear made-up example. For example, say that a museum can limit the number of people each day and keep rare rooms closed while showing other parts to visitors.
task response
Avoid broad claims such as 'strong evidence' or 'relevant research' when you do not give the study or its result. Explain the idea in your own words instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. To make the flow better, give each body part one clear main idea and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, 'visitors can learn...' joins two full ideas with only a comma. Split this into two sentences, or use a word such as 'and' or 'because'.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care: 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'However', 'For this reason', and 'In my view'. Do not repeat 'historical sites' too often; use 'these places', 'the sites', or 'they' when clear.
coherence and cohesion
The line about oxygen devices is hard to understand and does not fully answer the problem of visitor damage. Put the solution right after the problem: limits on visitor numbers, no-touch rules, guides, cameras, and closed areas.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly give your own view in the first and last parts.
task response
You give a useful reason for public visits: people can learn more from seeing a place in real life than from seeing it online.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape: an introduction, a part for each view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'For instance', 'By contrast', 'Furthermore', and 'Overall' help the reader follow the main direction of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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