IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that watching sports as leisure activity is a wastage of time. Do you agree or disagree? give reasons and examples

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Introduction
It is believed that
people
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 waste
time
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while
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 watching
sports
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 during their free
time
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.
Although
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 some
people
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 believe that watching
sports
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 is unproductive and prevents them from engaging in more meaningful activities, I disagree that watching
sports
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 events can waste
time
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, as they offer encouragement, education and strengthen
relationships
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.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason why watching
sports
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 matches is beneficial is that they provide the opportunity to learn about teamwork. Since many students and workers are often required to work in a team for their academic and professional projects, watching athletes
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 together can significantly teach them the importance of teamwork when they win the matches.
Therefore
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, watching
sports
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 is not only helpful for spending leisure
time
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 but
also
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 encourages individuals to learn something important from them.
Body paragraph 2
Education is another advantage
that is
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 gained from
sports
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 because many countries come together to play on the one national platform.
People
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 learn about different countries' names, players, scoring factors and rules of games, which ultimately improves their general knowledge.
According to
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people
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, if they watch
sports
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 after work only for relaxation, they are
also
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 learning about vital aspects of games , which can increase their awareness. These benefits prove that watching
sports
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 is actually a way to spend free
time
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 meaningfully.
Body paragraph 3
Watching
sports
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 with family members and friends can foster strong
relationships
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.
This
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 is because
people
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 have hectic schedules and they have to engage in professional activities for most of the days. As a result, they have less
time
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 to spend with loved ones.
However
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, live
sports
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 bring
people
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 together and allow them to communicate, eat and sit together for some
time
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.
This
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 creates a very positive environment and strengthens their
relationships
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, watching
sports
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 can significantly enhance
people
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's
relationships
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, social interactions and understanding of teamwork. These aspects are particularly important in today's busy lifestyle, as it allows
people
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 to relax and spend quality
time
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 with loved ones.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that watching
sports
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 is a productive activity.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree that watching sport is a waste of time. You give three main reasons: it can teach team work, help people learn, and bring family and friends together. To make the ideas stronger, add one real example for each main point, such as a school team, a well-known game, or a family watching a match.
task response
Some points need more care. Watching a team win does not always teach people how to work in a team. Explain what people may learn, such as sharing a goal, helping others, and staying calm after a loss. Also, say that watching sport is useful when it is not done for too long.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, three body parts, and a clear end. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow. Keep this plan in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. You use words such as “Although”, “Therefore”, “However”, and “As a result” well, but some links do not fit fully. For example, “According to people” is not clear. Say “For example” and then give a clear case.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link from one sentence to the next more direct. In the second body part, first state that sport can teach people about other places and game rules. Then give one example. Then explain why this matters. This will make the paragraph flow better.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the first line to the end.
task response
Your reasons are on topic and show that watching sport can have value beyond fun.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear: learning from teams, learning about games and places, and time with other people.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph sums up your main ideas and repeats your view clearly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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