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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, more individuals are choosing healthier lifestyles given the fact of not consuming animal products, such as, meat or fish. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

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Introduction
Nowadays, many schools require all
students
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 to bring their own laptop computer to class to support their learning.
This
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 has recently become a widely discussed topic within the education system.
Although
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 some people believe that personal laptops create unnecessary complications, I firmly agree that using these devices provides significant educational advantages.
Body paragraph 1
The primary advantage of bringing a personal laptop is that
students
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 are already familiar with their own devices, which saves valuable learning
time
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.
For instance
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, when
students
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 use a keyboard they are comfortable with, they can type essays faster and take more efficient notes during lectures.
Furthermore
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, having a personal device allows
students
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 to easily review their classroom material at home because all their work is stored in one place.
This
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also
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 enables parents to monitor their children's daily progress and stay informed about what they learn in school.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, incorporating laptops into the classroom can introduce certain drawbacks. The most notable issue is the risk of screen addiction and sedentary habits. When
students
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 spend excessive
time
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 staring at screens, they are less likely to participate in physical outdoor activities during breaks. In past decades, children routinely played outdoors,
whereas
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 today, constant access to computers often leads to a sedentary lifestyle that negatively impacts their physical health.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite the risks associated with excessive screen
time
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, I strongly believe that bringing a personal laptop to class is beneficial for
students
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'
overall
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 education.
However
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, parents and teachers must work together to limit screen
time
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 and ensure a balanced lifestyle.

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task response
Answer the exact task more closely. The task says that all students must bring a laptop, but your essay mainly explains why a student may like using their own laptop. Add ideas about the rule for every student, such as cost, family income, and what happens when a laptop breaks.
task response
Develop the bad side with one more clear point. For example, some students may play games, chat, or look at other sites in class. This can stop them from paying attention and can slow down learning.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. The point about typing and notes is useful, but explain how this helps learning in a class, such as finding class work, sharing it with the teacher, or using a school learning site.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. To make the link between ideas stronger, add short links inside paragraphs, such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In addition”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, the point about parents watching daily progress is less closely linked to saving class time. Explain this link more clearly or put it in a separate sentence about home support.
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives your view again, which is good. Make it even stronger by briefly naming both sides: better access to school work, but possible health, focus, and cost problems.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides and give a clear view throughout the essay.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand: students know their own device, can keep work in one place, and may spend too much time on screens.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear. The reader can follow your view from the introduction to the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph starts, such as “The primary advantage” and “On the other hand”, to show the change from good points to bad points.
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