IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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Many think that saving
money
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 is essential for
people
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's, especially
young
Correct word choice
younger
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 generations,
future
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 life. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because
people
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 can do what they really want and they will not have to worry about financial problems in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
future
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.
Firstly
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, young generations will have the opportunity to spend their
time
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 to things that bring joy to them.
This
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 is because young adults usually do not have sufficient
time
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 to follow and develop their hobbies as they have heavy work stress.
However
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, if
people
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 constantly save a specific amount of
money
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 from their salaries, they will not need to work hard to earn
money
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 when they get older.
For example
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, a recent study concluded that elders who have enough wealth often spend their
time
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 travelling or doing what they prefer.
Secondly
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,
people
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 will not suffer extremely from any sudden financial crisis. There are a number of sudden financially harmful events that we might face in
our
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the
show examples
future
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.
People
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 who regularly save
money
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 would not experience as much harm as others who do not have
saving
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savings
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 accounts.
For instance
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, a majority of society in Mongolia lost their sources of income which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 them to be poor but
people
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 who saved
money
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 did not suffer too much.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that it is crucial for everyone, including young
people
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, to save a specific amount of
money
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 as they will have enough
time
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 to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life when they get older and they will be confident in their financial status whenever and whatever happens in the
future
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.
Submitted by sb.angar2011 on

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task response
The introduction provides a clear stance on the topic, but try to refine the thesis statement for greater clarity and sophistication. For instance, you might say, 'I unequivocally agree with this viewpoint, as saving money can lead to a less stressful, more fulfilling future and greater financial security.'
task response
The essay could benefit from deeper explanations and more varied examples. For example, when discussing hobbies, you could provide specific examples of hobbies and how they improve quality of life. Also, consider mentioning more global events to add relevancy and depth.
coherence cohesion
Organize paragraphs to ensure each point is fully developed. For example, the point on financial crises could also include potential solutions or ways to build a savings habit.
task response
The essay maintains a clear and consistent argument throughout, which makes your position easy to understand.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a strong framework for the essay, rounding off the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are clearly stated and supported by relevant examples, which helps to illustrate your arguments clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
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