It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many think that saving
money
is essential for people
's, especially young
generations, Correct word choice
younger
future
life.
I firmly agree with this
viewpoint because people
can do what they really want and they will not have to worry about financial problems in their
Change the word
the
future
.
Firstly
, young generations will have the opportunity to spend their time
to things that bring joy to them. This
is because young adults usually do not have sufficient time
to follow and develop their hobbies as they have heavy work stress. However
, if people
constantly save a specific amount of money
from their salaries, they will not need to work hard to earn money
when they get older. For example
, a recent study concluded that elders who have enough wealth often spend their time
travelling or doing what they prefer.
Secondly
, people
will not suffer extremely from any sudden financial crisis. There are a number of sudden financially harmful events that we might face in our
Change the word
the
future
. People
who regularly save money
would not experience as much harm as others who do not have saving
accounts. Replace the word
savings
For instance
, during the COVID-19 pandemic, a majority of society in Mongolia lost their sources of income which lead
them to be poor but Wrong verb form
led
people
who saved money
did not suffer too much.
To conclude
, I believe that it is crucial for everyone, including young people
, to save a specific amount of money
as they will have enough time
to enjoy the
life when they get older and they will be confident in their financial status whenever and whatever happens in the Correct article usage
apply
future
.Submitted by sb.angar2011 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The introduction provides a clear stance on the topic, but try to refine the thesis statement for greater clarity and sophistication. For instance, you might say, 'I unequivocally agree with this viewpoint, as saving money can lead to a less stressful, more fulfilling future and greater financial security.'
task response
The essay could benefit from deeper explanations and more varied examples. For example, when discussing hobbies, you could provide specific examples of hobbies and how they improve quality of life. Also, consider mentioning more global events to add relevancy and depth.
coherence cohesion
Organize paragraphs to ensure each point is fully developed. For example, the point on financial crises could also include potential solutions or ways to build a savings habit.
task response
The essay maintains a clear and consistent argument throughout, which makes your position easy to understand.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a strong framework for the essay, rounding off the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are clearly stated and supported by relevant examples, which helps to illustrate your arguments clearly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.