IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts say for road safety, governments should encourage people to use bicycles instead of cars. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Some people believe that the government should push the idea of using
bicycles
Use synonyms
 in place of cars. There are many advantages to using
bicycles
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of cars.
However
Linking Words
, the disadvantages ultimately outweigh the benefits.
Body paragraph 1
One major advantage of introducing
bicycles
Use synonyms
 is reducing the risk of road accidents because
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are slower
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 traffic collisions.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 in
Dammam
Add a comma
Dammam,
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 the government has introduced more bike lanes and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 reported
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 auto wrecks.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 advantage is a vital one
there
Punctuation problem
, there
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 are so many disadvantages that make
this
Linking Words
 advantage not relevant. There are a plethora of drawbacks when it comes to relying on
bicycles
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of cars, but there are some important ones that stand out.
Bicycles
Use synonyms
 are impractical for long distances because they take a lot of energy to reach far distances
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are achieved faster by
car
Punctuation problem
car. Also
show examples
,
Linking Words
also that
Correct word choice
apply
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there are a lot of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live far from work,school or any place they might want to visit
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 it would be hard to commute using a bicycle. There is
also
Linking Words
 the issue of the weather,
the weather
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 tends to change frequently
Punctuation problem
, which
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which makes
Wrong verb form
making
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 it hard to predict,
Linking Words
therefore
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it would not be practical to ride a bicycle everywhere you go
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
it will be hard to arrive anywhere
given
Punctuation problem
, given
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 the circumstances
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 cycling
unbearable
Punctuation problem
unbearable,
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 whether it be the scorching heat of summer or the cold of winter.
Conclusion
In conclusion
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
although
Linking Words
,
there
Correct word choice
although there
show examples
 are some advantages to cycling
its
Punctuation problem
, its
show examples
 vulnerability to weather and its impracticality to reach far places requiring a sum of energy
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 it obvious that the car is superior.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

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task response
You answer the main question and give a clear view: the bad points are greater. To make this stronger, explain why each bad point is more important than the good point. For example, say that long trips and very hot or cold days affect many people every day.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. Add one more good point, such as less air pollution or less traffic, then compare it with the bad points. This will make your answer more full.
task response
The Dammam example is useful, but it is very short. Explain how bike lanes can make roads safer, or use a more general example if you cannot give clear facts.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main part, and end. However, the first main paragraph moves from the good point to the bad points too fast. Put all good points in one paragraph and all bad points in the next paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of your ideas: 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result'. Do not repeat 'there are' and 'it would be hard' many times.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and join too many ideas. Make them shorter. For example: 'Bicycles are not good for long trips. They need more time and energy. Many people live far from work or school.'
coherence and cohesion
Check small form issues that can slow the reader, such as 'For instance, in Dammam, ...' and spaces after commas: 'go, it will be hard'.
task response
You give a direct answer from the start and keep the same view in the end.
task response
You use clear, real-life reasons, such as long trips, work and school travel, and weather.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats your main view clearly and links back to the reasons in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'However', 'For instance', 'Although', and 'Therefore' help the reader follow your ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • road safety
  • dedicated cycle lanes
  • traffic congestion
  • reduce car dependency
  • fatal accidents
  • serious injuries
  • air pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • an active lifestyle
  • public health benefits
  • cycling infrastructure
  • secure bicycle parking
  • rush-hour traffic
  • long commuting distances
  • adverse weather conditions
  • mobility issues
  • road users
  • integrated transport system
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